The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:01am
i realize that. He's considered disabled by the same people who consider legit people disabled. he collects benefits even has a handicapped plate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:01am
Ummm, yeah. What's your point?
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:03am
but again he's not choosing to BE truly disabled...he's choosing to ACT as though he's disabled...and that's what's going to catch up with him b/c I'll bet you a weeks pay he's being followed and watched by an investigation firm hired by his employer and/or his insurance company.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:03am
my point is that another poster asked how someone can choose to be disabled. I made my point by stating that this person had an injury exaggerated it and became "disabled". He collects benefits just as a disabled person does. He could be labeled a fraud by you and I. Doesn't mean he's not getting the same priviledges as a disabled person. So i made my point when I said one can "choose" to be disabled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:04am
who knows? he's been getting away with it for least 15 years now though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:06am
That's choosing to be on disability. That is not choosing to be disabled. Being on disability and being disabled are not the same thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:08am

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I think Lauren would highly disagree with you. She has a son who is disabled. And I guarantee you the guy committing fraud is not in the same boat as her son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:08am
Being "considered" disabled or anything else is a far cry from actually "being" disabled or anything else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:09am
Whatever his "disability" happens to be, unless his day-to-day life apart from the benefits he collects is like that of a person who actually has that disability, he isn't really disabled, only pretending.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 9:10am
truly I wonder how people sleep at night in these situations....oh well this is why Kelly was so busy all those years as a PI -- you'd be amazed what people who are claiming to be disabled will do -- chop wood, ride motorcyles, go to Six flags, go to water parks, it really boggles the mind the stupidity of these folks.

 

Yes. We. Did.

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