The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:00am
And I can be labeled an idiot ... doesn't make me one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:00am

<<he's considered disabled, collects the same benefits as someone is truly disabled.>>


Either he was hurt and thus declared disable by a medical doctor

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:00am
i started out talking about a real person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:01am

No, it's an example of someone choosing to commit fraud.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:02am

No, he is choosing to pretend that he is disabled by committing fraud.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:03am
From the things I have seen him do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:04am

<<Nope, I disagree. He's choosing to be disabled. Collecting the same benefits as a bone fide disabled individual. The question was how does one choose to be disabled. >>


But as you said, he is not disabled.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:04am
Possibly. I don't know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:06am
Unless you're a doctor and have examined him, or have observed him in very wide, various setting for long period of time, you're really not qualified to make that judgment. I know of several people that "appear" normal and are disabled enough to qualify for benefits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:06am

<< he's considered disabled by his place of employment, the state. he collects a disability check. >>


Therefore he has not chosen to be disabled, his place of employment, the state choose to consider him disabled.

PumpkinAngel

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