The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:21am
he chose to become "disabled" and he is to the state, his employer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:21am

<<according to the state, his employer, he's disabled.>>


Then this is an example of the state choosing if someone is disable or not.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:23am

"Ah, so he did not choose to be disabled, he is choosing to "act" disabled. Big difference."
I have no idea. From the things I've seen him do, it's hard to believe he's disabled, but he is technically.

"What qualifies you to judge if he is truly disabled or not? Do you have a medical degree or a something similar in order to know what exactly his condition is and in turn the limitations of that condition?"

Umm, I have been stating all along I am not a doctor or an investigator it seems some of you here have a medical degree or PI license because he was labelled a fraud, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:24am
Yes, I have. He chose to become disabled. That was the question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:25am
I have seen others in his situation continue with their careers. But, as I said before I am not a doctor.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:25am
again....when you first introduced this example you stated that he had exxagerated the condition and was not truly disabled to the extent he made others believe....which led to the discussino of disability fraud...don't leap all over us for going there when you opened the door. I'm really jaded on this subject b/c I hear it from Kelly day in and day out and she's been threatened by people, had her head light's smashed, and been hit with her own briefcase b/c people were so mad that she discovered their ruse.... so when you hear these stories over an dover again it's pretty easy to become cynical about the system and people's integrity.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:26am
I'm just going by what I see and what was said to me. I have seen others in his condition continue working.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:26am

Exactly.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:26am

Exactly.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:27am
Yes, he chose to start the process of disability.

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