The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:27am
true but we wouldnt know he was a fraud until after the fact.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:28am

Then he is disabled, a decision that was made by the doctor, the employer or the state...


Someone can't just decide that they are disabled and *poof* benefits appear.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:28am
they would not have know he was disabled if he didn't start the process.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:29am
Let's try to get a grip here. My dd can tell her school she feels sick and is sick and skip school; as far as the school is concerned, she's sick. But that doesn't necessarily make her actually sick. It's called "faking sick", which is what seems to be going on in this case. I'm not at all clear what's so hard about this concept, TBH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:29am
yes, it is. People with the same injury have continued working.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:32am

Who

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:32am

"Then he is disabled, a decision that was made by the doctor, the employer or the state..."
Yes after he chose to pursue that process. they didn't seek him out.

"Someone can't just decide that they are disabled and *poof* benefits appear. There is a process that one has to go through in order to be declared disabled and thus receiving benefits."
I have stated that a few times in my post.
"The decision however, is not made by the individual."
yes, the decision was made by the individual to start the disability process.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:34am
"Let's try to get a grip here"
LOL. when posts start out like that, I don't feel the need to read the rest, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:34am

<<he chose to become disabled, went through the whole process and is now collecting benefits. whether he's a fraud or not, he is still considered disabled. >>


You just told me in another post that you didn't know how the injury occured, now you are claiming that the injury was a choice?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 10:35am

"Who exactly decided that he is disabled?"
his employer, the state, I assume.

"Who approved him for benefits because of the diagnosis "disabled"? Last time I checked the laws, an individual couldn't decide that for himself...so it's interesting that you are claming that he choose that diagnosis himself."

he chose to start the process of disability. yes.

Pages