The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2001
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:33am
nt

Mary



Mom to Kevin 11/4/03



Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.



Ray Romano, actor/comedian

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:35am

<>


Then if you don't know if it's self-inflicted, then how can you claim that he choose to be disabled?


<>


I haven't been talking about choosing to pursue disability benefits, I have been discussing becoming disabled.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:36am
Disabled, disability, and disability benefits are NOT synonymous and should not be used in such a way. Doing so only confuses the issue. If we would all use the proper terminology, I believe this debate would possibly cease to exist.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:36am

Yep.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:38am
OK, which is it? Is the man actually disabled or not? I don't mean according to your criteria - does he actually have a condition that interferes with his ability to perform the functions of day-to-day living?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:39am

<<yes i can. >>


Well that's true, you can...it would be incorrect, but you can, lol.


<>


One doesn't pursue becoming disabled anymore than one chooses to become disabled.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:41am

Not what I said.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:43am
What's to laugh about? Based on the information you had provided up to that point, the only conclusion that could be made was that he *was* committing fraud. Was that information correct or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:43am

True, but if someone is going to claim that someone specifically choose to become disabled through injury, then there has to be a choice at the beginning and not simply an accident.


If one chooses to become disabled, then they have to choose to be injured or choose to have a medical condition.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 11:44am

Ah, but you have stated that you don't know if the injury was a choice or not.

PumpkinAngel

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