The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:03pm

....but you have stated that you don't know if he made the choice to be injured or not, therefore, you don't know if he choose to be disabled.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:05pm

I so agree.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:05pm
No, the process to apply for disability benefits.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:09pm

"You did, you said they wouldn't know. Both the employer and the state would know about the accident and then be informed of the medical decision about disability."
Who wouldn't know?

"You have stated that you don't know if the injury is self-inflicted. Therefore, how can you claim that he choose to be disabled?"
He chose to start the disability process.

"If he didn't choose to be injured, then he didn't choose to be disabled. He might have chosen to seek disability payments, but of course that is a totally different subject than being disabled."
He chose to seek disability.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:11pm

"Right, which is why your observations based on how individuals deal with similar (although you said same) injuries is not valid."

Never said it was valid, lol

"Why? I didn't state that you were, in fact I specifically stated that since you are not a medical doctor..."
So quit claiming that I am a medical doctor when I never said I was!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:12pm
I don't know could be, lol. Ask the poster who claimed she never heard of an automatic pool cover.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:14pm

"hen if you don't know if it's self-inflicted, then how can you claim that he choose to be disabled?"
he chose to pursue disability.

"I haven't been talking about choosing to pursue disability benefits, I have been discussing becoming disabled. Different subjects."
He's considered disabled by the state, his employer.

"It makes a large difference in the subject that is being discussed. If the injury was not self-inflicted, then the person did not choose to become disabled."
He chose to pursue the disability process
"My comments were about choosing to become disabled, not choosing to seek disability payments."
Then you should have stated it as such. Since technicallt he is disabled. I think it's a bit late to change it now, lmao.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:15pm
Please direct your response to the poster who posed the question of how one chooses to be disabled?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:15pm
It's not up to me. It's up to the state, his employer, according to them, he is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:17pm
he is labeled as disabled, receives benefits and whatnot just as a disabled person does. Because he doesn't meet your definition of disabled does not mean the checks will stop coming in the mail and his license plates will be confiscated, lol.

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