The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:36pm

"Everytime she used the word "disabled" instead of "disability benefits". If she had meant "disability benefits" she would have used those words. Alas, she did not. She used the word "disabled", which was because she was "talking about being disabled and choosing to be disabled"."
how do you know what words she would have used? this is comical!!! lol.
technically, the man is disabled.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:37pm

" did. I specifically stated how does one choose to be disabled."
and I answered that. he chose to pursue the disability route when others in the same situation have chose to not become disabled.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:39pm

"Still not talking about benefits and whatnot, only being disabled and as you said, you don't know if he chose to be injured, therefore he did not choose to be disabled, he only choose to seek disability benefits, which of course is not the same as being disabled."

you never said you weren't talking about benefits. the man is considered disabled.

"Not taking about any of this either..."
so what are you talking about then? I answered the question that I believe you posed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:40pm

I did as did others.....these are some of your answers, they certainly support my comments that your posts strongly suggest that he was committing fraud.


Your post 568:

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:41pm

<<he chose to pursue the disability process. >>


Which of course is not an example of someone choosing to be disabled.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:41pm

Just using your words.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:42pm
that's swell that you went through all that, lol. although you certainly are not wasting any money from the advanced features.
Doesn't matter how many of your chums agree with you or not. doesn't change the fact that I never said he was a fraud. Please post that if I did. tia.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:43pm
Hi everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:43pm
oh yes it is. he is disabled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 12:43pm

I agree, that choice was not his either.


PumpkinAngel

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