The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:26pm
No. He did NOT start the process of becoming disabled. He started the process of applying for disability benefits. Do you really not understand the difference?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:31pm
That wasn't the question. Opinions aside, is there a condition that limits or impairs his ability to perform any function of daily living?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:32pm
Not his daily living but permits him from performing his job.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:33pm
Interesting. You seemed to believe you knew enough about the situation to post about it in the first place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:39pm
sigh it always comes back to this. I said I didn't know too much. He was injured at work, got disability. from what i see and hear , i would rather give it to someone more deserving. I'm not an MD but IMO. I stated that someone can choose to become disabled to benefit them in whatever way they want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:46pm

Which can only start AFTER one has become disabled...which usually doesn't happen by choice.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:56pm

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Yes he did, however that is totally different than choosing to be disabled.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:58pm
he became technically disabled after the choice of choosing to become disabled. If he didn't pursue the process, he would not have been labeled disabled.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:58pm

Nope. They are choosing to collect disability benefits BECAUSE they are disabled.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:59pm

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But since as you stated you aren't a medical doctor, there isn't anything wrong with stating that you aren't a medical doctor.


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I don't know even how to respond to that as one has nothing to do with the other.

PumpkinAngel

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