The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
1731
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 6:29pm

I recently read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Relationships" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger and was surprised to find I agreed with much of what she said in the book...so I returned to the library to borrow "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" and again...I find I agree with most of what she writes. I would have scoffed at the titles alone 12 years ago when I was married, working up the corporate ladder with my 2 year old in dc full time from 11 months on. I thought I had it all.

I ended up divorced and now the 2 year old is 14 and I realized recently how fast she is growing up and that I really missed a lot of time with her and my husband by choice(working).

I am remarried and 3 yrs ago our son was born. I returned to work when he was 10 months and found what I think is the best dayhome I could have...they were amazing and very loving. Our family is very close with them now....I was working(primary breadwinner) and couldn't shake the feeling that I was putting my career ahead of my family when my family is monumentally more important to me than the money I was bringing in. We COULD change our situation to enable me to be at home...so we did and I now wonder why any mother who is emotionally healthy and does not *have* to work for the family to get by....doesn't stay at home? I am not meaning that disrespectfully or sarcastically as I myself did not make that choice with myt first. I resigned 9 months ago. I am proud to be at home even though I wasn't with my first(which I now regret but didn't think I would!). I am proud to send my husband off to work with hot coffee and a lunch I made that always includes homebaked treats....welcome him home to a clean home and wonderful meal...spend my days teaching my son and playing with him; treasuring it sincerely...and being here for my 14 year old daughter whether she needs me to yell at; or hug and talk...or just to stop her from sitting on the computer all day or getting into mischief.

To give you the tone of the books I will give you a couple of excerpts;

"The issue of "roles" in a marriage and family is often a sensitive one. Stay-at-home moms as well as hardworking primary-breadwinner men are not given much respect from our society-at-large. Feminist educators and activists keep trying to squeeze men and women into niches that may simply not be a good match for their innate qualites...as well as their masculine and feminine drives. It is more in the female nature to nest and nurture. It is more in the male nature to conquer and protect. Frankly, the more we ignore the true, inherent masculine and feminine qualites of people, the farther apart we pull them."

"...feminism has brainwashed women to believe that all men are inconsiderate beasts you can't rely on. Therefore, the threat goes, never give up your independence. This mentality has confsed and frightened women into an avoidance of becoming dependant on their men. To protect themselves, women ferociously parry with their men, while denigrating their own desires to tend the home and raise children. Then they call me all angry and depressed... nd they think it is because of their husbands."

So...what do you think?

*edit to correct a typo




Edited 7/11/2007 7:57 pm ET by hi_kimmie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:06pm
I'm not saying it is I'm saying you have the choice.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:22pm
any disability benefits that one receives. SSI, military, veterans.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:23pm

"No, one can be technically disabled and not go through the process of receiving disability benefits."
correct.

I am speaking of my personal situation with my friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:23pm

Wrong...again.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:25pm
and I was speaking of benefits because he's technically disabled by his choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:25pm

No. You answered the question, "how can one choose to apply for benefits?". Has nothing at all to do with choosing to be disabled.

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:25pm
right, he was injured and chose to go the disability route.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:26pm

"Hmm. Along this lines....can you show me where I stated anything about disability benefits in my question, since that is what you have been debating. Or was that just what you thought I was suggesting versus what I actually stated?"
Your question was how can someone choose to be disabled. I answered that question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:27pm

Choosing to apply for benefits is not choosing to be disabled!!!

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2001
Wed, 07-18-2007 - 3:28pm
But the injury was not his choice. Therefore he is not disabled by choice.

Mary



Mom to Kevin 11/4/03



Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.



Ray Romano, actor/comedian

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