question about sah vs. working
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|Mon, 06-09-2003 - 4:24pm|
I am asking because I have always been adamant about *me* being a SAHM. But lately, something inside of me is changing that opinion and I am thinking about going back. I am now starting to question my motives for wanting to SAH exclusively. Is it just because my mom did it, and I thought it was expected, and because I wanted to please my parents by doing what they did? Would it be better to show my children that mom's have a life outside the home too, that moms can go out to work and that they do come back and it's not the end of the world...that women don't have to give up everything they've worked for just because we're women and bear the children...I don't know...I am babbling here, but these things and so much more have been going thru my head lately.
I want what is best for my children, no doubt about it. But, I really don't know what is best for them anymore...a mom at home who does puzzles with them and plays with them and reads to them, or a nanny who would do the same things with them, while I could go out and make big bucks to help pay off our house and provide alot of extra income for our family so my kids can participate in so many more activities as they get older. Would it really be hard on them if I was gone 8-9 hours per day? My dd is 7 months and my son is 28 months and they are both very attached to me. I am thinking about going back to work when my dd is 1 and my ds is almost 3. I know that my dd would cry alot while I was gone...and my ds might wonder where I am and why I'm not with him. I want what's best for them, and I don't HAVE to work...my dh makes enough money for us to pay our bills and do a bit of saving, but not a lot. Where is the line drawn between doing what is best for your children and between what is good for you and your husband? My kids would have a hard time at first if I left them with a nanny during the day. But how would they adapt? Experiences please, if you have any, would be helpful for me to hear.
If I went back to work, I could pay off all our debts in 3 months (excluding our house) and pay off our house in 5 years. It's something I need to consider. Otherwise, we'll be paying off our debts for 3-5 years and our house for 20.
Plus, lately I feel unappreciated at home and like a maid/slave to my children. I hate it when I don't accomplish anything in the day except changing diapers and cleaning up spills and messes my son makes. I feel like I am not good at managing my household...like I can only handle taking care of my kids and nothing else gets done...I just feel useless a lot of the time because there is so much to do, and I can never get all the housework done. Never. I know this isn't healthy for me to feel this way. I find that I am frustrated with my son fairly often (he is very high-needs and high-energy) instead of appreciating him. Maybe I just need a change or a break...I know the grass is always greener and maybe if I do go back to work, I will hate it. I might not like the rat race, having to juggle everything...I am so confused.
Please, if any of you have high-needs, very attached children - what was it like putting them in daycare or using a nanny? If I do it, what can I expect? How can I expect my children to react/adjust? If you were in my shoes, would you continue to SAH, or would you go back to work and give it a shot? Is age 1 too young or should I wait until my dd is 18 months or 2?
Every day I go back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes I wish I was a man. They don't have these kinds of decisions or the guilt associated with these decisions. They just know that they go to work and bring home the money and they are happy. I feel like no matter what I do, I will be making the wrong decision.
Man, I sound resentful and grouchy today! I am usually not like this, but it is raining here and the weather is getting me down. Blah! Thanks for reading through this big long depressing post! I am looking forward to hearing everyone's replies and opinions....