Reasons to SAHM when the kids are

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Registered: 02-05-2008
Reasons to SAHM when the kids are
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Sat, 04-12-2008 - 1:34am
in school..fulltime. It seems like to me that it's very much accepted in this society to be a SAHM when you have small children.(newborn to preschool/kinder). You are home to take care of your children right? I don't believe anyone really questions why you are being a SAHP and not working. It's almost a given why you don't WOH. However, what happens when you no longer need to take care of your children during the day b/c they are at school from 8am to 4pm (give or take, whatever the schedule is). I'm just curious to see how SAHM justify it when they don't have children to take care of. Do WOHM's think it's being lazy to be at home all day when you don't have children there?

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Registered: 07-26-2007
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 2:04am
I'm a WOHM and my kid is grown and gone, and I'm home all day long. What's the issue?

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Sat, 04-12-2008 - 7:37am

Avatar for mkatherine
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 8:43am
I'm a WOHM but I have to be honest with you -- as the mom of a very active 3rd grader i can see more reasons to be home now than when she was an infant or toddler -b/c the juggling act is much much harder -- school vacations, snow days. early dismissal, delayed opening, afterschool programs etc. etc. I manage it all and It works dandy for us but I don't think choosing to stay home when your kids are in school is lazy at all - for that particular family it may be the most practical thing to do.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 9:37am
Dd's elementary school was from 8:30 till 2, with no aftercare, so definitely not enough time for a full time job just during the time covered by school. I can easily see why someone would SAH with school-aged children and how a SAHP with school-aged children would have plenty to do.
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Registered: 10-02-2007
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 10:11am

As a teacher, I would not describe SAHMs of school-aged children as lazy. The ones I know are actually quite active in their children's life and volunteer a lot at school functions. The way I see it, their families benefit by having the mom stay home. She's still responsible for all or most of the household chores and is able to play a more active role in their children's lives.





Edited 4/12/2008 10:13 am ET by dwandmomof2
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Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 10:48am

If you think you have to justify it, should you be doing it?

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Registered: 04-22-2005
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 1:48pm
I think SAH is not just about childcare, it's about homemaking. Continuing to SAH while the kids are school age allows a person the time to do all the extra things that they either would have much less time to do or would maybe otherwise hire someone to do. There are days that I wish that I had no job to go to and no baby to watch so that I can have my husband come back from work to a spotless, fresh-smelling home, with all the laundry done and put away, carpet vacuumed, windows washed, bills mailed, groceries bought, dinner ready, table set, etc, and that once the baby was asleep he and I could just enjoy each other's company doing something fun and leisurely instead of spending it catching up on laundry, dishes, errands, and all the other stuff that I could have gotten done during the day. Yes, I can still get all those things done even though I work, but I scramble to get them done in between feedings, diaper changes, baths, visits to the park, preparing my lectures, teaching class, grading papers and all that other good stuff. Some days I want to have a decent home without the scrambling. I want to focus on the home while everyone's out of the home and focus on the family when the family is back at home.
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Avatar for myshkamouse
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 1:49pm

I'm just curious to see how SAHM justify it when they don't have children to take care of. Do WOHM's think it's being lazy to be at home all day when you don't have children there? "


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Registered: 04-22-2005
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 2:18pm

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I forgot to answer this part. No, I don't think it's inherently lazy to be at home when the children aren't there. Laziness is a factor of what you do with your time. You can be industrious at work, industrious at home, lazy at work, or lazy at home.

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Registered: 07-17-2007
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 3:40pm

Well, "fulltime" school around here equals about 50% of time needed for a "fulltime" job. As far as I know, there a very few fulltime jobs that allow for early release every Monday, coming two hours late anytime there is a hint of snow, a week at Christmas, a week at Easter, 11 weeks off in the summer, teacher workdays/student holidays, kids sick days........ As a result, it becomes just as expensive to pay for "child"care when ones children are in school as it does during the preschool years. So, if money is the reason to sah during the younger years, it may still be the reason during the school years.

Then there are the afterschool activities that are immediately after school - some not available at any other time. For *my* family that includes private reading tutoring and Tae Kwon Do.

For *my* family, we have a sahp because someone (educated and specifically trained in his area of LD) needs to help our youngest with his homework and we find it is less stressful to be able to do most of it before dinner. It allows more family time in the evening and allows the occasional evening activity (scouts). It also makes it MUCH less stressful when at least one of us needs to go into school for a meeting concerning his IEP (which are required to be during school hours- according to the teachers' contract). It is easier to keep up with all the paperwork without having a "job" too.

By having a sahp, it becomes less stressful when one of them is sick. There is no negotiation (at any point) as to who has to stay home. It becomes less stressful because I can do most of the grocery shopping and meal planning during the day. I can volunteer at the school more. I can volunteer at a local non-profit (which is "my time"). It enables to have more free time in the evenings so both DH and I are able to be more active in our Congregation and take on semi-leadership roles.

It means that we can spend more than a week each summer with my parents at the beach AND my sisters in NE - without using up precious vacation time. It means, sometimes, we can accompany DH on his monthly trips to visit his mother.

It enables DS1 to play the upright Bass (someone has to transport to and from school every Friday).

The kids don't leave for school until 8:15 and I pick them up around 3pm (12:45ish on Mondays). On Mondays that gives me 4 hours and 45 minutes, T-F almost 7 hours - when they are at school around 36ish week a year- the other weeks they are home "fulltime". I volunteer around 12-20 hours a week, I do "household" chores around 12 hours a week. I get to be a lady who lunches- about once a week. I am able to "be there" for friends. One year helped a very close friend through a very bitter and nasty divorce (held her hand, talked to her hours each day.....- things I would not have been able to do if I was working fulltime).

We assess our decision from time to time. It keeps coming back that *our* lives are less stressful and more relaxed with a sahp. We have more couple time and more family time. We are still working on DH's at home alone time - he gets "alone time" when he travels (he frequently takes time on the end of a trip) or when he works late at work to do "home work". Some weeks I have too much at home alone time and need to force myself to get out more.

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