Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:36am

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Yeah.  Dh isn't flucking another woman.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>Weren't you unaware of that the last time?</span></span></strong></p>

It's hard to be aware of it until it happens. Or do you think it's common that the cheating bastard says to his wife "Honey, I'm gonna go fluck another woman tonight. Be back in the morning."

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:37am

I can't imagine filling my time with shopping or watching tv either, I do those in moderation now because that's my choice, I can't imagine I would increase that time just to fill my days. 

Who said they fill their time with shopping and watching TV after their kids move out or retire?

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Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:38am

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Only on this board is being actively involved in your kids' lives some kind of a negative.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">I don't personally think </span><span style="font-size:13px">being actively involved in your kids' lives is some kind of a negative but I do believe you need to have other interests also. </span></strong></p>

I think it's only in your imagination that anyone in this discussion doean't have other interests. 

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:38am
Oh, and my uncle is STILL notorious, at 82.
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Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:39am

"True, there might not have been time for it then." ---------- If you really believe that, you are sadly mistaken. People who cheat are cheaters, and just like teens they are very creative when it comes to finding opportunity.My uncle was notorious, and truly nothing could have stopped him, I am pretty sure, except if he himself had decided that what he was doing was wrong.

But didn't Savcal's ex MARRY the "other woman"? I wouldn't consider that a habitual cheater (like you are describing your uncle).

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Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:41am

bordwithyou wrote:
So if those of us who don't know what we are going to do with our free time yet are just like everyone else, Spring, why are you dissing PKA? And why are you citing your mother's filling up her time with shopping, watching TV, etc as some sort of ideal about how one should enjoy empty-nesting?

I admit I'm a bit amused by this discussion and springs unique spin to the situation, you know given that I was out last night living my life, while spring was here on ivillage dissing my life.  

PumpkinAngel

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Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:41am
springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Yeah.  Dh isn't flucking another woman.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>Weren't you unaware of that the last time?</span></span></strong></p>

It's hard to be aware of it until it happens.

How so? Was your relationship that close that you had no clue? There was no issues that would have made him stray?

Or do you think it's common that the cheating bastard says to his wife "Honey, I'm gonna go fluck another woman tonight. Be back in the morning."

He would go overnight? THAT was not an indication? Surprised

Avatar for rollmops2009
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Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:42am
"Honey, I'm gonna go fluck another woman tonight. Be back in the morning." ---------- LOL, that reminds me of my poor great-aunt. She was married to an army officer. He had an odd habit of disappearing Saturday night and not returning until Sunday. After a while, she went to her brother for help to find out what was going on. Her brother hired a detective and found out that the officer was indeed having affairs, but with boys. This was back in the 30s or 40s, and this was considered much too delicate a matter to discuss with a lady, even if she was your sister. So her brother had a talk with the guy, and never mentioned what really happened. The officer had the good manners to die prematurely a few years later.
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Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:42am

<<Yeah, the ETC. is more like it. lol. TV is mostly at night of shows that are dvr'd from the day that was being spent doing other things. I didn't say it was IDEAL for EVERYONE but she basically does the same things as most other people without kids, cooking, exercising, spending time with friends, traveling, going to plays, shows, going out to lunch, dinner, yard work, reading.....>

I do all of that now and I have kids.....

PumpkinAngel

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Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:43am

I admit I'm a bit amused by this discussion and springs unique spin to the situation, you know given that I was out last night living my life, while spring was here on ivillage dissing my life.  

Nah, I was out last night, with my ds doing kids things. I just stayed home the rest of the night. Nice relaxing, quiet weekend this weekend, doing things around the house. Next weekend is busy, concert, "date" night with other couples. Last weekend we did the "social" thing all weekend. 

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