Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:46am

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">You're right.  And focus one place is not healthy nor does it lead to a well rounded individual. </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">It is exactly the reason why every couple should have "date" night every once in awhile. Your life should not surround only one thing, kids, your spouse, yourself, your work, etc. You need to have a balanced life. If you don't have a life with your spouse while your kids are growing up, there is no way you will be able to have one after they are gone. There will be nothing there. </span></strong></p>

We don't call them "date nights" but we have always done that through the years.  We do a lot of things that involve the kids, involve the family, don't involve the kid, don't involve the family and we also do things individually as well as together.

PumpkinAngel

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Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:46am

grapthars_hammer wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">jamblessedthree</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"&gt;&lt;div class="quote-author"&gt;&lt;em class="placeholder"&gt;bordwithyou&lt;/em&gt; wrote:&lt;/div&gt;"Wow, that makes you an expert. Lol! Stop the press......" The "high road," Jambles style!&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;FYI It was a joke.  But it's no surprise you didn't catch that..&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>If that's your idea of a joke, you need a refresher course on the topic.  It was rude and completely uncalled for.</p>

Likewise, There''s enough rude and uncalled for to go around.  At least my post included a Lol, Sorry you didn't like the joke.

 


 


Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:47am

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">"True, there might not have been time for it then." ---------- If you really believe that, you are sadly mistaken. People who cheat are cheaters, and just like teens they are very creative when it comes to finding opportunity.My uncle was notorious, and truly nothing could have stopped him, I am pretty sure, except if he himself had decided that what he was doing was wrong.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">But didn't Savcal's ex MARRY the "other woman"? I wouldn't consider that a habitual cheater (like you are describing your uncle).</span></strong></p>

Being married doesn't mean he's not cheating.   Because, you know, he was married before and cheated.   For all I know, he regularly has sex with women other than his wife.   For all I know, he's completely faithful to her.   I do know that *she* was a habitual have-sex-with-other-women's-husbands tramp.  Is she still? I dunno.     I dont' have a reason to know much about their personal lives.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:48am

<<Then those interests should continue after your kids are gone and maybe add a few here and there with more time on your hands. To say you don't know what you will do with all that time sure sounds like to be that you don't have many interests outside of kids things.>>

Again with the sounds like when that isn't what the posts have said, try thinking without absolutes.  My interests didn't stop when I had kids, they won't stop when they are out of the house but I just haven't figured out what I'm doing with the free time when my last child goes to college...it's 3 years away, not tomorrow.


PumpkinAngel

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:48am

springfever2013 wrote:
<blockquote><div style="font-weight:bold"><em>springfever2013</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px"&gt;Yeah.  Dh isn't flucking another woman.&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:x-small"&gt;&lt;span&gt;Weren't you unaware of that the last time?&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote><p style="font-size:13px"></p><p style="font-size:13px">It's hard to be aware of it until it happens.</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>How so? Was your relationship that close that you had no clue? There was no issues that would have made him stray?</strong></p><p style="font-size:13px">Or do you think it's common that the cheating bastard says to his wife "Honey, I'm gonna go fluck another woman tonight. Be back in the morning."</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>He would go overnight? THAT was not an indication? <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-surprised.gif" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" border="0" /></strong></p><p style="font-size:13px"></p>

I was speaking in hypotheticals.  No way am I giving you details of my previous marriage.  Do you think I'm stupid or sumptin?

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:48am
Nah savcal, In general, I don't trust marital advice OR opinions from divorced people.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:49am

bordwithyou wrote:
Have you not noticed that PKA has many interests and leads a rich and full life? I can't imagine her sitting around with her thumbs uk her rear end waiting for inspiration.

Aww thanks, it's nice to know that someone actually reads my posts.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:50am

I was speaking in hypotheticals.  No way am I giving you details of my previous marriage.  Do you think I'm stupid or sumptin?

No need to, I have seen and read your older posts. Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:50am

bordwithyou wrote:
I do all that stuff now and have for years, only I'll have many more hours to fill once the kids are grown. I'm well into my 50s and still not sure how I will fill my extra time. I've taken on a new project this year that takes 12-15 hrs a week, but it wasn't exactly planned. When this project is over, I expect to have at least six-eight more free hours a week. Not sure what I'll do with them, either.

That's it exactly, I'm looking for a project something more than watching tv and shopping.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:50am

bordwithyou wrote:
I do all that stuff now and have for years, only I'll have many more hours to fill once the kids are grown. I'm well into my 50s and still not sure how I will fill my extra time. I've taken on a new project this year that takes 12-15 hrs a week, but it wasn't exactly planned. When this project is over, I expect to have at least six-eight more free hours a week. Not sure what I'll do with them, either.

That's it exactly, I'm looking for a project something more than watching tv and shopping.

PumpkinAngel

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