Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:57am

Blamed what on myself? the affair? Nope. The affair was 100% his fault. 100%. And i've maintained that always.  The demise of the marriage? Sure, that was partially my fault ... it is extremely rare that a marriage ends without some responsibility on the part of both spouses.

Do you not think that MANY times with the demise, it leads to cheating? He wasn't a habitual cheater throughout your marriage, correct?

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:57am
"Nah savcal, In general, I don't trust marital advice OR opinions from divorced people." -------- Wow! That is rather sweeping, don't you think? You really think that a failed marriage, the reasons for which you may know absolutely nothing about, means that the person's opinion on anything can't be trusted?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:58am

springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:medium">"Four day weekend with NO kids?"</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:medium">Is that shocking?</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong><span style="font-size:medium">No. I would have probably made plans to go someplace or at least I would have plans everyday either doing things together or with friends. Anything that would be difficult to do with having kids at home (going to later night movies, later dinner, longer days out, etc.)</span></strong></p>

But you don't like to do weekend trips and you just said how easy it was with kids your ages to do those types of things...

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 11:59am

springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:medium">"Being class mom, going on more field trips, being more involved with the PTA, volunteer for more things in the school that happen during the day."</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:medium">You will do all that stuff as an empty nester?</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong><span style="font-size:medium">Please re-read, I was speaking of what I would do NOW with more free time. </span></strong></p>

Um, you might want to re-read the posts because you responded to bord and the context was empty nesting not more time now with both kids still in school.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 12:01pm

TY spring, And yea I have exchanged a lot with you about MIL.  Thanks for being a sounding board, I love that relationship your kids are lucky to have with your own mom, Count your blessings. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 12:01pm

<<I disagree. For me, the reason I don't know what I'll do with my time then is because there are so many choice and so many things I want to do .. and I won't be able to do them all ... and it's not possible for me to decide NOW what I'll do in 10 years.>>

Yep, it's not the negative view that spring likes to take it's the wide open view that both you and bord see, I have three more years and I'm not sure what I'm going to do, I haven't decided yet!


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 12:08pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Blamed what on myself? the affair? Nope. The affair was 100% his fault. 100%. And i've maintained that always.  The demise of the marriage? Sure, that was partially my fault ... it is extremely rare that a marriage ends without some responsibility on the part of both spouses.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Do you not think that MANY times with the demise, it leads to cheating? He wasn't a habitual cheater throughout your marriage, correct?</span></strong></p>

That's a good question. 

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 12:11pm
springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:medium">"Four day weekend with NO kids?"</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:medium">Is that shocking?</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong><span style="font-size:medium">No. I would have probably made plans to go someplace or at least I would have plans everyday either doing things together or with friends. Anything that would be difficult to do with having kids at home (going to later night movies, later dinner, longer days out, etc.)</span></strong></p>

But you don't like to do weekend trips and you just said how easy it was with kids your ages to do those types of things...

We said I don't LIKE to? Again our PREFERENCE if for longer vacations. Sigh...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 12:13pm

TY spring, And yea I have exchanged a lot with you about MIL.  Thanks for being a sounding board, I love that relationship your kids are lucky to have with your own mom, Count your blessings.

Thanks Jam Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Sat, 06-22-2013 - 12:15pm

rollmops2009 wrote:
"Nah savcal, In general, I don't trust marital advice OR opinions from divorced people." -------- Wow! That is rather sweeping, don't you think? You really think that a failed marriage, the reasons for which you may know absolutely nothing about, means that the person's opinion on anything can't be trusted?

Why is that a sweeping statement mops?  I trust the opinions of people in strong, healthy marriages than people in failed ones.  The former is doing something right, YMMV. 

 


 


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