Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 8:54pm

I expect to have multiple options to choose from when I am an empty nester. I don't know which of them I will choose. I do not expect to fill my time with shopping and watching TV. I do not enjoy those things now, so I do not think I will enjoy them in five years, either.

I would think most people have multiple options as long as they have the money for them. I don't know many retired people who fill their time with shopping and watching TV but I don't think those things are bad before or after you retire (especially when you don't have the kids anymore to have to buy for all the time and you can spend money on yourself).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 8:55pm

Only on this board is being actively involved in your kids' lives some kind of a negative.

I don't personally think being actively involved in your kids' lives is some kind of a negative but I do believe you need to have other interests also. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 8:57pm

"I don't really get the "I don't know what I will do" thing. "

I'm guessing that's b/c you aren't there yet.  You have a lot of free time right now, but you still have a lot of time that is spent *parenting*.... that will change a lot in the next couple of years, and as you look at becoming the parent of an adult child, there will be a difference in how you spend that time.  Not to mention how an experience might be different now, as I go and do things alone with dh or with friends, I am still thinking and planning the family dinner, or making sure that I am home at a decent time, b/c I am setting an example for my teens, or b/c I know that they (and I with them) have responsibilities the next day, etc, from how it will be when my only *responsibility* is to dh.

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Ducky

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Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 8:57pm
So if those of us who don't know what we are going to do with our free time yet are just like everyone else, Spring, why are you dissing PKA? And why are you citing your mother's filling up her time with shopping, watching TV, etc as some sort of ideal about how one should enjoy empty-nesting?
Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 8:57pm

And that's exactly it spring, It's not like we live there or we see them very often, Once or twice a year tops. But when we're there it feels like we're a burden, But my DH grew up this way too, They're not my idea of family and I've resigned myself to the fact that they will change - not even for their grandkids.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:01pm
Jambles, it sounds like you don't want to be at your in-laws and they don't particularly want you there. Why not go someplace you would rather be?
Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:02pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Only on this board is being actively involved in your kids' lives some kind of a negative.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">I don't personally think </span><span style="font-size:13px">being actively involved in your kids' lives is some kind of a negative but I do believe you need to have other interests also. </span></strong></p>

You're right.  And focus one place is not healthy nor does it lead to a well rounded individual. 

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:02pm

"I don't personally think being actively involved in your kids' lives is some kind of a negative but I do believe you need to have other interests also. "

Has anyone said that they don't have other interests?  I must have missed it.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:04pm

So if those of us who don't know what we are going to do with our free time yet are just like everyone else, Spring, why are you dissing PKA?

Dissing (trying to use some up to date words? lol)? By the time you are in your 40's and 50's and your children are getting older, most people know how they would want to spend their time after their kids are gone. Again, if your whole live revolves around your kids, I am SURE it is hard to have an idea of what you would do. 

And why are you citing your mother's filling up her time with shopping, watching TV, etc as some sort of ideal about how one should enjoy empty-nesting?

Yeah, the ETC. is more like it. lol. TV is mostly at night of shows that are dvr'd from the day that was being spent doing other things. I didn't say it was IDEAL for EVERYONE but she basically does the same things as most other people without kids, cooking, exercising, spending time with friends, traveling, going to plays, shows, going out to lunch, dinner, yard work, reading.....

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:04pm

bordwithyou wrote:
Jambles, it sounds like you don't want to be at your in-laws and they don't particularly want you there. Why not go someplace you would rather be?

We are detatching ourselves from them and that's a good point.

 


 


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