Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:18pm

Yep, Date nights are important. And that's easier when kids become the ages ours are now than when they were younger, at least IME.

Yep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:20pm
Have you not noticed that PKA has many interests and leads a rich and full life? I can't imagine her sitting around with her thumbs uk her rear end waiting for inspiration.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:21pm

"If we go out and have a sitter, my teen or other child has no say in when we come home (if we plan to come home late). Why is it an example when YOU are the parent and adult? " 

I didn't say that my teens have a say in when we come home.  But I also don't think that it's necessary to stay out all night in order to have a good time, and I think it's a bit difficult to explain that to a teen, then for me to stay out extrodanarily late every time I get the chance to go out.

Where did I say it was necessary? Why is it difficult to explain that you are the adult and that they are the child and they don't have the same privledges as the parent/adult has? 

"If we go out and have a sitter........." 

Empty nesters don't need need a sitter.  And, on that note, there is another reason to be home earlier when you still have kids at home.....getting the sitter home at a decent time.

My sitter usually sleeps over

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:26pm
I do all that stuff now and have for years, only I'll have many more hours to fill once the kids are grown. I'm well into my 50s and still not sure how I will fill my extra time. I've taken on a new project this year that takes 12-15 hrs a week, but it wasn't exactly planned. When this project is over, I expect to have at least six-eight more free hours a week. Not sure what I'll do with them, either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:27pm

"Why is it difficult to explain that you are the adult and that they are the child and they don't have the same privledges as the parent/adult has? "

 I am preparing my children for adulthood.  As an adult, I have a responsibity to my children to set an example of what I believe is appropriate adult behavior.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:29pm

I do all that stuff now and have for years, only I'll have many more hours to fill once the kids are grown. I'm well into my 50s and still not sure how I will fill my extra time. I've taken on a new project this year that takes 12-15 hrs a week, but it wasn't exactly planned. When this project is over, I expect to have at least six-eight more free hours a week. Not sure what I'll do with them, either.

Gotcha. I know if I had extra time, I would do more cooking and baking, more house projects, more volunteering with school things, more reading, hmmm..so many things.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:30pm
My grabdparents were married sixty years and they never heard of such a thing as a "date night." Date nights are a good thing if you enjoy them, but I don't think they are as crucial as what goes on between the couple in between "date nights."
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:30pm

"I expect to have at least six-eight more free hours a week. Not sure what I'll do with them, either."

Ha, we'll have a four day weekend over the 4th of July and I'm still not sure what we're going to do with the extra two days.  ;)

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Ducky

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:31pm
I remember babysitting and spending the night too. Now, with two teenagers in the house that I can trust I don't have any hesitations leaving them and not having to worry about being home by a particular time, although "late" for us is 11:00. The kids actually look forward to us going out b/c they know its their call in dinner selection and movie or movieS from red box, Lol.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:32pm

"more volunteering with school things, "

School things... such as?

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Ducky

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