Regrets of a SAHM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:20pm

<<Got'cha.  I don't see less importance there, I see relationship difference with your employer.  Nice. >>

So your dh could easily leave on a vacation without planning with work?  Just leave on a day's notice and be gone for a week and if he couldn't leave like that then there is a relationship difference with his employer?  It's not about how important his job is or isn't, all about his relationship with the employer? 

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:20pm

<<It depends, but that's not really relevant.  Oh wait, now you are going to change the story again and say that you had time to plan a little? 

Not relevant now? Before it was very relevant when I had to do it.>>

Oh no, it's only relevant for those who plan before leaving their children for the week, you said you didn't plan so how long my planning takes is not really relevant for someone who claims they didn't plan.

So you never have left your children to go away with your dh for a week?

<<Who said that? Not me. So now I won the contest during the week when the kids were in school? lol>>

Well not me either, I didn't say anything about the middle of the week...but it doesn't matter since you didn't plan the leaving, you just left.

Nope, didn't say that.

<<Nah, easy planning again. Again, I know because, why? I DID IT lol. Have you ever gone away, for a week, alone with your dh, without your kids?>>

Now it's easy planning?  Hmm, new spin to the lie.  First you said it was no planning and now its' easy planning.  Why yes, I have and it required planning on our part with jobs, home, pets and family.  I wouldn't leave any of those without planning as you claimed.   

What type of planning? How long would it take you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:18pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">You said that you didn't plan at all.... now you're back peddaling.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Nope, not backpedaling.</span></strong></p>

Okay...first it was you never went on such a trip.  You never asked anyone to take care of your kids while you were on vacation.  You never left the kids overnight.

Then it was, well it was a SURPRISE! We didn't PLAN, there wasn't any PLANNING!  I didn't think I had to tell you there wasn't any PLANNING!

Now...there is planning?   

Spin, spin, spin...

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:16pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">"Yeah when I asked her how long it would take HER, she would not answer. I gave my answer." Of course she didn't. It's irrelevant. Are you chaning your answer from "no planning" to *easy planning*?</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Did I say that?</span></strong></p>

Oh wait...now you are claiming you didn't say you didn't plan the trip?  You had it in all caps and everything!

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:15pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Yeah, taking a vacation in the middle of the semester might even get a tenured faculty member fired. And that's pretty hard to do!</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">I am not a teacher and not a tenured faculty member. Shrug.</span></strong></p>

There are some jobs at my company where it wouldn't bat an eye either, they are not key positions and are easily replaced by others and/or temps.  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:14pm

I get it.  And favors done become favors returned too,  I hope that conference call you sat in for your boss for last week went well.

Exactly. Thanks. I actually am on the call for the 8 days she is vacationing in Italy. We are ALL helping out with her work while she is gone. Can you believe that a Sr. Manager could actually take over a week off and the place is not falling apart? lol. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:14pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">"Not relevant now? Before it was very relevant when I had to do it." It's not about how long it would take pka to plan...you said that you didn't plan at all. "Nah, easy planning again." So now it's easy planning, not *no planning*?</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Yeah when I asked her how long it would take HER, she would not answer. I gave my answer. IMO it doesn't take much to grab a few peices of paperwork, do it all the time for things needed. No big deal. </span></strong></p>

The time for me to have the paperwork filled out and notarized is not relevant because that is my planning, you said you didn't plan at all for this trip.  My planning is not relevant because you said you didn't plan...now you did?  I can't keep up with your constant lies, I may have to go to your spreadsheet method.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:13pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Long period of voluntary leave with one day's notice would be unacceptable anywhere I've worked.   Involuntary? Like for sickness, death, injury, etc ... acceptable.  But to do so willingly indicates, imo, lack of dedication to the job, a poor work ethic, and a lack of respect to one's coworkers.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Glad I don't work at your job then and a more flexible, family oriented job. </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Again, where did I ever say I left no notice or one day's notice?</span></strong></p>

I can't wait to hear this spin...how is going on a cruise while leaving; work, family and etc without planning, a family oriented job experience?  You said multiple times now that you did no planning, simply left on the cruise without planning....why are you backtracking so fast now from this latest spin on your earlier lie?

Why not just admit that you mispoke, why continue to spin this tale to try and cover up what is clearly a lie?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:10pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px">Oh dear.  Let me see if I can help answer your questions. Oh wait...I already did.  And in the post you quoted above.  Hang on....I'll subtly enhance it for you.  There.</p><p style="font-size:13px">Getting sick?  Yes, that would be an emergency that would be an acceptable reason to leave the entire office in a lurch. Winning a cruise?  Yeah, not so much.</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>And where did I say I gave NO notice or ONE day's notice?</strong></p>

Psst spring, giving notice would be planning....

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:09pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">It's very simple to do that sort of thing when one has a job where no one would miss them.  I would not be able to do that easily and would never do so except in an emergency.  I can't imagine considering a cruise an emergency.  Which is absolutely why I, for one, would have taken the cash equivalent.  I don't need to inconvenience everyone at work with the cash equivalent.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>You plan your sick days? What would happen if you were really sick or had an emergency and HAD to take a week off with no notice (again I never said that I gave no notice)?</span></span></strong></p>

Psst spring, giving notice is planning. You said you didn't plan a thing for this trip, not childcare, not work, not shopping...nothing, it was all magical.  :)

PumpkinAngel

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