Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:13pm

<< How long would that take you to do?>>

It depends, but that's not really relevant.  Oh wait, now you are going to change the story again and say that you had time to plan a little? 

Not relevant now? Before it was very relevant when I had to do it.

<<Who said they wouldn't and didn't say good bye either? lol>>

Well because you didn't have time for any of that, you won....got on the boat.  The kids could have been in school, activites, etc because you didn't have time to plan any of this stuff, remember?

Who said that? Not me. So now I won the contest during the week when the kids were in school? lol

<<What do you mean by involved in daycare?>>

Well, you know...care for the kids.   Only certain people can pick up/drop off at daycares, well at least in my experience so I would have to plan for those situations as well.  There is a lot that goes on in a week, I couldn't just leave  without some planning.  I wouldn't leave my kids for a week without planning.  ymmv of course.

Nah, easy planning again. Again, I know because, why? I DID IT lol. Have you ever gone away, for a week, alone with your dh, without your kids?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:42pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">People in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks.  Stalking isn't right either, No. </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">At least WE don't have to worry about Paola <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-wink.gif" alt="Wink" title="Wink" border="0" /></span></strong></p>

Yes well, none of the rest of us are worried about Paola, either. Are you worried about your DH's court appearance on 8/22? The one in which he has to pay his fine for pleading guilty?

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:22pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">What if the winner didn't have a passport? </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Didn't need one</span></strong></p><p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">How did the winners get time off work?</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">I don't know how someone else won would get off but I know how it worked for us. NO big deal. Just a basic saying, I am taking off from such and such date to such and such date. </span></strong></p>

But it was immediate. So  your employer was okay with you just saying "Sorry, won't be in tomorrow for a week.  I have to board a boat in 5 minutes."

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:21pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">Well then it's a good thing that your family planned to cover your responsibilites when you didn't.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">How so? Please explain how I didn't cover my responsibilities lol.</span></strong></p>

Do you have a Authorizaton for Medical Care for Minors or Limited Power of Attorney for the family that was watching your children?

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:12pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p>And you take screen shots, I assume? You don't consider that stalking and being obsessed with someone you really don't know? </p>

I would leave that definition up to you, the expert.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:09pm
It seems like it would be more of an imposition to expect family to babysit for a week (or however long) for a "surprise" cruise than it would be plan a weekend getaway and ask in advance for a family member to babysit. Plus, usually if you win something like a cruise, you can take the cash equivalent instead anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:09pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px; text-align:left">It's okay spring...I get it, you don't want to answer and showed that you lied again.  You're funny.  I know you will respond to this one...</span></p><p style="text-align:left"><strong><span style="font-size:x-small"><span>How did I lie? I asked a question. Waiting for your answer.</span></span></strong></p>

I detailed it earlier, quotes and everything.  I don't think you will have to excerise tonight with all the spinning today..

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:08pm

<< How long would that take you to do?>>

It depends, but that's not really relevant.  Oh wait, now you are going to change the story again and say that you had time to plan a little? 

<<Who said they wouldn't and didn't say good bye either? lol>>

Well because you didn't have time for any of that, you won....got on the boat.  The kids could have been in school, activites, etc because you didn't have time to plan any of this stuff, remember?

<<What do you mean by involved in daycare?>>

Well, you know...care for the kids.   Only certain people can pick up/drop off at daycares, well at least in my experience so I would have to plan for those situations as well.  There is a lot that goes on in a week, I couldn't just leave  without some planning.  I wouldn't leave my kids for a week without planning.  ymmv of course.



PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 5:00pm
"At least WE don't have to worry about Paola." I am sure that you think you're cute and all, but it's not funny if you have to explain the joke.....

*********

Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 4:59pm

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

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