Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:30pm

"Usually most people have the same ideas of what they do when they have time away from the kids. "

They do?

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:31pm

"Usually most people have the same ideas of what they do when they have time away from the kids. "

They do?

Yep

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:34pm

Are you talking about couples, or people in general?

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:35pm

Are you talking about couples, or people in general?

About what? Where is the quote for this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:37pm

"About what? Where is the quote for this?"

Please follow along.  It's not that difficult.

"Usually most people have the same ideas of what they do when they have time away from the kids. "

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:39pm

About what? Where is the quote for this?"

Please follow along.  It's not that difficult.

"Usually most people have the same ideas of what they do when they have time away from the kids. "

And? People WOULD be couples who do things together. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:44pm

"And?" what? No need to get snippy? Undecided
I asked if you were talking about people in general or if you were talking about couples. Your original statement wasnt' clear. 

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:48pm

Please follow along.  It's not that difficult.

THIS is not snippy? lol

"And?" what? No need to get snippy? Undecided
I asked if you were talking about people in general or if you were talking about couples. Your original statement wasnt' clear. 

I am not sure why this is so difficult to understand that many parents do the same type of things when they have the chance to go out together, alone, without kids. You don't find that?


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:51pm
Spring, I don't think date nights are "needed" by all couples. Most of humanity has managed without them for millennia. My husband and I didn't do "date nights" when the kids were little. They might be desirable for some people, but "necessary?" I don't think so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 10:56pm

Spring, I don't think date nights are "needed" by all couples. Most of humanity has managed without them for millennia. My husband and I didn't do "date nights" when the kids were little. They might be desirable for some people, but "necessary?" I don't think so.

Again, to each his own. I think they are great and I enjoy having the time with my dh to do things that we wouldn't do with the kids and things we would but is nicer to just enjoy the 2 of us doing. It is nice to have the quiet time away from home (not per se a quiet place but not the home setting) without any interruptions. 

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