Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:01pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px">"I don't personally think being actively involved in your kids' lives is some kind of a negative but I do believe you need to have other interests also. "</p><p style="font-size:13px">Has anyone said that they don't have other interests?  I must have missed it.</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>Then those interests should continue after your kids are gone and maybe add a few here and there with more time on your hands. To say you don't know what you will do with all that time sure sounds like to be that you don't have many interests outside of kids things.</strong></p>

I disagree. For me, the reason I don't know what I'll do with my time then is because there are so many choice and so many things I want to do .. and I won't be able to do them all ... and it's not possible for me to decide NOW what I'll do in 10 years.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:04pm

Shoot, now that I think about it ... I don't know what I"ll do with my upcoming three weeks without kids.  Three whole weeks - no kids! Woot!

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:05pm

I disagree. For me, the reason I don't know what I'll do with my time then is because there are so many choice and so many things I want to do .. and I won't be able to do them all ... and it's not possible for me to decide NOW what I'll do in 10 years.

I didn't say you NEED to decide NOW but I am sure most people know what they would LIKE to do more of and things they can't do after they have more free time (either by kids growing up or when they retire). Yes, you might discover some  things that you didn't know you would enjoy but you pretty much know what you like at this point of your life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:05pm

"many parents do the same type of things when they have the chance to go out together, alone, without kids. You don't find that?"

If you're talking about the couple, then sure... I would assume that they would like to do the samethings when out together.  I'm not sure why that's even a point for debate.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:06pm

Shoot, now that I think about it ... I don't know what I"ll do with my upcoming three weeks without kids.  Three whole weeks - no kids! Woot!

Don't you still have to work? I am sure that will take up much of that time, right? Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:08pm

"many parents do the same type of things when they have the chance to go out together, alone, without kids. You don't find that?"

If you're talking about the couple, then sure... I would assume that they would like to do the samethings when out together.  I'm not sure why that's even a point for debate.

Couples and overall parents alike. It is not a point for debate. It is just pretty simple that many people enjoy the same things and when parents have a night out, they usually pick the same things to do with their spouse as other couples do. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:08pm

"Again, to each his own. I think they are great and I enjoy having the time with my dh to do things that we wouldn't do with the kids and things we would but is nicer to just enjoy the 2 of us doing. It is nice to have the quiet time away from home (not per se a quiet place but not the home setting) without any interruptions."

You say "to each his own" but you've spent several posts trying to convince us that date nights are necessary....

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:09pm

"Again, to each his own. I think they are great and I enjoy having the time with my dh to do things that we wouldn't do with the kids and things we would but is nicer to just enjoy the 2 of us doing. It is nice to have the quiet time away from home (not per se a quiet place but not the home setting) without any interruptions."

You say "to each his own" but you've spent several posts trying to convince us that date nights are necessary....

Sorry but I feel strongly about this. Shrug.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:09pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px">"<span style="font-size:medium">I would take this as not everyone enjoys them."</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><span style="font-size:medium">Okay.  Do you think everyone should enjoy them?</span></p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong><span style="font-size:medium">Umm....to be alone with your spouse with no interuptions and away from regular everyday life of home and kids and work? Yes. If not, why are you still even married?</span></strong></p>

Someone alert Matt Lauer!  Top news story tomorrow - the only reason to say married is to go on date nights.   *BAER*

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 11:10pm

Someone alert Matt Lauer!  Top news story tomorrow - the only reason to say married is to go on date nights.   *BAER*

If you don't enjoy to spend time alone with your spouse, going on an outside date, WHY would you want to still be married? THAT was my point. 

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