Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
778
Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:21pm

If I walked out of a class for a week in the middle of the semester, the taxpayers of Missouri would be really upset, and with cause. People don't pay their teachers to go off on pleasure trips in the middle of the class.

The downside of being a teacher Laughing

Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:28pm

"Whether you did or not is irrelevant. 

That is hilarious as NOW it is not irrelevant. Maybe because I did NOT say I left no notice or one day's notice."

But you said you COULD.  And people couldn't at my job because it wouldn't be acceptable.

"My post still stands -- Long period of voluntary leave with one day's notice would be unacceptable anywhere I've worked.

And? That is YOUR job, not mine."

 

Yes.  And I"m sorry you don't work at a job that values your work more.

 

 

 

"Involuntary? Like for sickness, death, injury, etc ... acceptable.  But to do so willingly indicates, imo, lack of dedication to the job, a poor work ethic, and a lack of respect to one's coworkers.

How sad when someone can't celebrate something fun and exciting like a vacation that was won by a co-worker but make them feel like they lack dedication to the job, a poor work ethic and a lack of respect to one's coworkers. Sounds like it would be jealousy towards that other person and I am SOOOOO glad that my coworkers were TOTALLY opposite of that and were VERY excited for us. My boss WOULD have let me leave THAT day if needed as she was THRILLED. You can't expect everyone to always be at a job. Things happen and every boss should be prepared for that."

 

I expect the same from my employees as I do from myself, and vice versa.  If my employees were the kind to make it necessary to be prepared for long, voluntary absences at the drop of a hat, I'd need new employees.

 

 

 

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for jamblessedthree
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Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:28pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px">Yes, yes, you did.</p><p style="font-size:13px"> "<strong><span style="font-size:x-small">And yes, I can easily tell my boss I am going away for a week with one day's notice as well as my dh could at that time and now."</span></strong></p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong><span style="font-size:small">And? Did I say I DID? I said I COULD. Please read what I am posting, not the story in your head of what you THINK I am posting. Did I say I left no notice or one day's notice?</span></strong></p>

Got'cha.  I don't see less importance there, I see relationship difference with your employer.  Nice. 

 


 


Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:30pm

And FTR, there have been many giveaways I'd like to have participated in/signed up for - trips to concerts, movie premieres, etc - that have been situatioins where the winner would be announced mere days (or in some cases hours) before the event.  So I declined to even participate in the contest.  

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:31pm

bordwithyou wrote:
If I walked out of a class for a week in the middle of the semester, the taxpayers of Missouri would be really upset, and with cause. People don't pay their teachers to go off on pleasure trips in the middle of the class.

That's what subs are for.  Only 1/2 joking, Lol.  Seriously, I've been called at the last minute to fill in for someone that has needed to leave, Not always pleasure but on a Friday b/c she has a 3 hour road trip ahead of her, Sure!

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:34pm

springfever2013 wrote:
Not really. Especially since some of my family does not live close.

If my family didn't live nearby, it would would be even more of an imposition to expect them to babysit at the drop of the hat than to plan things in advance.

springfever2013 wrote:
Why would you? How many things have you won in your life? Did you take the cash equivalent instead?

You seem to think that having someone babysit for your kids so you can go on vacation is a bad thing, so I'm surprised you didn't take the cash so you wouldn't have to be away from them for so long.  I don't enter contests, so no I haven't won anything.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:36pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
That's what subs are for.  Only 1/2 joking, Lol.  Seriously, I've been called at the last minute to fill in for someone that has needed to leave, Not always pleasure but on a Friday b/c she has a 3 hour road trip ahead of her, Sure!</p>

One day's (or less) notice for a day off? or even two?  Ehh, that I can get behind.  A week?  Ummm, no.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:40pm
There are a few classes I teach that other people on the faculty could teach. There are also a few where I am the only person on the faculty qualified to teach the course. In that case, the classes would have to be cancelled. You can cancel a class for a day without anyone getting upset. But a week? NUh-unh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:42pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
Got'cha.  I don't see less importance there, I see relationship difference with your employer.  Nice.

I think this has already been discussed, hasn't it? The ability to take off work isn't just about the employer relationship, but about the position held.

Could your husband leave for a week with little notice with little/no consequence? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:45pm

Whether you did or not is irrelevant. 

That is hilarious as NOW it is not irrelevant. Maybe because I did NOT say I left no notice or one day's notice."

But you said you COULD.  And people couldn't at my job because it wouldn't be acceptable.

I said I COULD, I didn't say I DID.

"My post still stands -- Long period of voluntary leave with one day's notice would be unacceptable anywhere I've worked.

And? That is YOUR job, not mine."

 Yes.  And I"m sorry you don't work at a job that values your work more.

They also value that I have outside interests.

"Involuntary? Like for sickness, death, injury, etc ... acceptable.  But to do so willingly indicates, imo, lack of dedication to the job, a poor work ethic, and a lack of respect to one's coworkers.

How sad when someone can't celebrate something fun and exciting like a vacation that was won by a co-worker but make them feel like they lack dedication to the job, a poor work ethic and a lack of respect to one's coworkers. Sounds like it would be jealousy towards that other person and I am SOOOOO glad that my coworkers were TOTALLY opposite of that and were VERY excited for us. My boss WOULD have let me leave THAT day if needed as she was THRILLED. You can't expect everyone to always be at a job. Things happen and every boss should be prepared for that."

 I expect the same from my employees as I do from myself, and vice versa.  If my employees were the kind to make it necessary to be prepared for long, voluntary absences at the drop of a hat, I'd need new employees.

I feel bad for them then that it is such a rigid place to work that something in life might come up, bad or good that they would get rid of you in an instant. 

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