Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:36pm

" Your idea of planning is much different than mine. Childcare-tell the teacher child will not be in class..."

So you pulled your kids out of school, and didn't plan childcare...did you leave them home alone?

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:36pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p style="font-size:13px">&lt;&lt;Got'cha.  I don't see less importance there, I see relationship difference with your employer.  Nice. &gt;&gt;</p><p style="font-size:13px">So your dh could easily leave on a vacation without planning with work? <strong> Yep, telling the boss, just like I did.</strong></p><p style="font-size:13px">Just leave on a day's notice and be gone for a week and if he couldn't leave like that then there is a relationship difference with his employer?</p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>When did I say we EVER did that?</strong></p><p style="font-size:13px">It's not about how important his job is or isn't, all about his relationship with the employer? </p><p style="font-size:13px"><strong>We have GREAT relationships with our employers and are truly blessed that we don't have to worry about things like last minute plans. </strong></p>

psst spring, my post was to jams.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:38pm

" Your idea of planning is much different than mine. Childcare-tell the teacher child will not be in class..."

So you pulled your kids out of school, and didn't plan childcare...did you leave them home alone?

Yeah I left them home all alone Undecided

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:42pm
"Sorry to hear that you needed to do so much planning. Was the people who watched your kids THAT unfamiliar with their daily lives?............. It is easy when there is nothing to plan because it is daily life things that is well known by the person watching your children." Who are you talking about?

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:42pm
Why are you rolling your eyes?

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:43pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Psst spring, giving notice is planning. You said you didn't plan a thing for this trip, not childcare, not work, not shopping...nothing, it was all magical.  :)</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Nope, I NEVER said that I didn't give notice nor was it "magical". These were everyone else's words. Your idea of planning is much different than mine. Childcare-tell the teacher child will not be in class, Work-tell boss you will not be in work, shopping? not sure what this means, again as I mentioned this before.  </span></strong></p>

But you said you didn't plan at all.  That it just happened and you agreed it was magical....and now you are backtracking, again.  Really spring, I don't know how anyone can believe anything you say.

<<We did not PLAN the vacation that was won. We never found the NEED for an overnight or weekend "DATE". We never found the NEED for a week long vacation either, THAT just happened. <<

<<Do you not understand the word PLANNED? Common sense would tell you something that is a SURPRISE is NOT planned.>>

<<Didn't think I NEEDED to use the word PLANNED as MOST people PLAN a night away or weekend get away>>

<<Of course not, the family just "knew" that you needed a sitter,

Yep<<

<<they "knew" the kids schedule and your travel schedule and just showed up magically to take care of everything.

Yep>>

<<So you won and had to immediately board the boat?

Almost, yes.>>

<<No needing to set up childcare.>>

<<no shopping for clothes,

No>>

<<That's amazing, they just knew the time to show up and everything, so magical.

Pretty much, yes.>>


PumpkinAngel

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:44pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Pray tell .. did she give you and the rest of her staff ample notice?</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">She told us about the trip but we got the info the day before. We all just do what we need to when someone is out. We work as a team. </span></strong></p>

We work as a team too, but there is a lot of things that they can't do while I'm out. The things they can do while I'm out are somewhat of a burden because it increases their already-too-heavy workload.  And then there are some things that can be done while i'm out that take some signficant instruction before I leave or that take some prep on my or their part. 

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:45pm

ducky1st89 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:small">"<span style="font-size:x-small"> Your idea of planning is much different than mine. Childcare-tell the teacher child will not be in class..."</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size:small"><span style="font-size:x-small">So you pulled your kids out of school, and didn't plan childcare...did you leave them home alone?</span></span></p>

No, it was magical that childcare showed up, I asked earlier.

<<they "knew" the kids schedule and your travel schedule and just showed up magically to take care of everything.

Yep>>

PumpkinAngel

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:45pm

pumpkinangel wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">springfever2013</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px"&gt;I believe it, my boss was just gone for two weeks but there was advance notice so we could plan.  &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:x-small"&gt;&lt;span&gt;That's great. She gave us the info we needed to do her job the day before. Shrug.&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>That wouldn't work in our area, but I know the boss gave that type of notice to others and some didn't even know that the boss was gone.  It all depends on how much interaction and the job involved.</p>

yeah, i often have no idea if my boss is in the office or not. And while he'll let me know when he's going to be gone for more than a day or two, it has basically no effect on my job .

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:51pm

<<Sorry to hear that you needed to do so much planning. Was the people who watched your kids THAT unfamiliar with their daily lives?>>

Oh don't be, I could never leave my children for a week like you did without planning, I'm a planner.  It really has nothing to do with the people that watched my kids and their schedule, not at all.  Most of the stuff that I plan is basic medical and poa in case things would happen, I don't like to leave those things unplanned and up to chance.  I can't imagine leaving my kids for a week without planning.

<<Seems like OVER planning IMO.>>

Well that's funny, just a post ago you asked what planning.  LoL

<<It is easy when there is nothing to plan because it is daily life things that is well known by the person watching your children.>>

I don't have a standing poa or even updated medical stuff for all of those people in my kids lives, oh well.  I feel more comfortable in going over those things before we leave instead of just not planning and leaving the kids hoping for the best.  ymmv of course and it's okay to leave your kids without planning too, really sping...its okay!



PumpkinAngel

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