Regrets of a SAHM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:32pm

"Why is it difficult to explain that you are the adult and that they are the child and they don't have the same privledges as the parent/adult has? "

 I am preparing my children for adulthood.  As an adult, I have a responsibity to my children to set an example of what I believe is appropriate adult behavior.

So appropriate adult behavior is to have a curfew like a child? Do your children know what you do 24/7? Do you think they should know EVERYTHING? Don't you think that you can be a good example to your child AND still be an adult and individual and couple and do things without them knowing everything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:33pm

My grabdparents were married sixty years and they never heard of such a thing as a "date night." Date nights are a good thing if you enjoy them, but I don't think they are as crucial as what goes on between the couple in between "date nights."

Why wouldn't someone enjoy date night? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:34pm
I cook almost every night and bake several times a week. There are some house things I've been putting off, but not for lack of time. I'm retired from school volunteering. And I read a lot, both for work and recreationally. I'd like to spend some more time sewing and scrap booking, and perhaps gardening. But I also expect to have larger projects/interests and I don't know which ones I'll choose or what new opportunities might open up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:34pm

"I expect to have at least six-eight more free hours a week. Not sure what I'll do with them, either."

Ha, we'll have a four day weekend over the 4th of July and I'm still not sure what we're going to do with the extra two days.  ;)

Four day weekend with NO kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:34pm

Different strokes.... I don't leave my kids alone with teenagers overnight, not even my own teens.  It's just something that is outside of my comfort level.

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Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:35pm

I remember babysitting and spending the night too.

Yeah we have family that does that and a neighbor. 

Now, with two teenagers in the house that I can trust I don't have any hesitations leaving them and not having to worry about being home by a particular time, although "late" for us is 11:00. The kids actually look forward to us going out b/c they know its their call in dinner selection and movie or movieS from red box, Lol.

Yeah, it is easier when they can stay home alone. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:37pm

"more volunteering with school things, "

School things... such as?

Being class mom, going on more field trips, being more involved with the PTA, volunteer for more things in the school that happen during the day. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:37pm
I don't think it is safe to leave teenagers alone overnight either, I don't even think it's legal? What I remember is spending the night at homes I babysat at if the parents knew they would be at late events/fuctions. New Years comes to mind and so do a couple other events. It can be more convenient to just let a sitter spend the night if you know you're not going to be back until 1 in the morning than drive her home that late.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:38pm

"more volunteering with school things, "

School things... such as?

Being class mom, going on more field trips, being more involved with the PTA, volunteer for more things in the school that happen during the day. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 06-21-2013 - 9:38pm
People are different, Spring. When my kids were little and I was working outside the home, the last thing I wanted to do was leave them with a sitter in the evenings, too. My husband and I work in the same building, so if we needed couple time, we'd get it during the day. We seldom had date nights. Nowadays we will go out to dinner once in awhile, but we both prefer being home when we are home. I imagine our "couple time" in the future will largely revolve around trips, although we both like to travel solo as well.

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