Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 11:28am

pumpkinangel wrote:
<p>&lt;&lt;<span>My job - nor that of my professional staff - can't be done by temps.  The knowledge is too specialized and there aren't many around that have that knowledge. Those that do are already working in the field.&gt;&gt;</span></p><p><span>Ours is specialized, security and sensitive issues, no temps in my area.  I know there are other areas of the company that do hire them where the work doesn't fall under those three issues.</span></p>

Considering that if a temp without the full knowledge of the minute rules and regulations "filled in", millions of dollars could be lost, yeah, no temps.  And knowing that the federal auditors are on campus right now? Yeah, no temps.  Hard to be a good steward of federal funds with temps.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 10:00am
Eh, technically, anyone could do my job. The finished product would NOT be the same, and would likely be *good enough* for one week (maybe ... depending on who picked up the slack) but requires a fair amount of training for the long term.

*********

Ducky

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 9:45am

<<My job - nor that of my professional staff - can't be done by temps.  The knowledge is too specialized and there aren't many around that have that knowledge. Those that do are already working in the field.>>

Ours is specialized, security and sensitive issues, no temps in my area.  I know there are other areas of the company that do hire them where the work doesn't fall under those three issues.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 9:43am

<<We do as much as we can and we hire temps when our workload gets too much and 99,9% of the time these temps get hired. We have a large dept that can help in any situation, if needed>>

As I have said before, my specific area the work can't be done by temps but there are areas of the company where they use temps.  Those areas are lower security and sensitivity issues.  


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 9:21am

savcal2011 wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">springfever2013</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px"&gt;We work as a team too, but there is a lot of things that they can't do while I'm out. The things they can do while I'm out are somewhat of a burden because it increases their already-too-heavy workload.  And then there are some things that can be done while i'm out that take some signficant instruction before I leave or that take some prep on my or their part. &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px"&gt;We do as much as we can and we hire temps when our workload gets too much and 99,9% of the time these temps get hired. We have a large dept that can help in any situation, if needed. &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>My job - nor that of my professional staff - can't be done by temps.  The knowledge is too specialized and there aren't many around that have that knowledge. Those that do are already working in the field.</p>

My job isn't really all that swanky, but it's impossible to hire temps for it.  For one, I work alone since my boss retired--if they're going to have to bring someone in to supervise a temp, they might as well just do the work themselves while they're in there.  And secondly while any number of people can use Quark, it's the style for House and Senate stationery which is the "specialized" part of my job.  Plus so much of my work is pick up from old work that to do my job well, you have to be really good at computer searches.   and you have to pray the old server decides it wants to play nice that day or you'll have to completely re do whatever form you're looking for.

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 9:12am

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">We work as a team too, but there is a lot of things that they can't do while I'm out. The things they can do while I'm out are somewhat of a burden because it increases their already-too-heavy workload.  And then there are some things that can be done while i'm out that take some signficant instruction before I leave or that take some prep on my or their part. </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">We do as much as we can and we hire temps when our workload gets too much and 99,9% of the time these temps get hired. We have a large dept that can help in any situation, if needed. </span></strong></p>

My job - nor that of my professional staff - can't be done by temps.  The knowledge is too specialized and there aren't many around that have that knowledge. Those that do are already working in the field.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Tue, 06-25-2013 - 8:23am

We work as a team too, but there is a lot of things that they can't do while I'm out. The things they can do while I'm out are somewhat of a burden because it increases their already-too-heavy workload.  And then there are some things that can be done while i'm out that take some signficant instruction before I leave or that take some prep on my or their part. 

We do as much as we can and we hire temps when our workload gets too much and 99,9% of the time these temps get hired. We have a large dept that can help in any situation, if needed. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:52pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">That wouldn't work in our area, but I know the boss gave that type of notice to others and some didn't even know that the boss was gone.  It all depends on how much interaction and the job involved.</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">I guess. She gave the top 3 people with senority things to do in her absence. Things that we have already done before anyway as we all always help out. </span></strong></p>

That wouldn't work in our area, but in some of the other areas of the company, yes...I can see that working.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:51pm

<<Sorry to hear that you needed to do so much planning. Was the people who watched your kids THAT unfamiliar with their daily lives?>>

Oh don't be, I could never leave my children for a week like you did without planning, I'm a planner.  It really has nothing to do with the people that watched my kids and their schedule, not at all.  Most of the stuff that I plan is basic medical and poa in case things would happen, I don't like to leave those things unplanned and up to chance.  I can't imagine leaving my kids for a week without planning.

<<Seems like OVER planning IMO.>>

Well that's funny, just a post ago you asked what planning.  LoL

<<It is easy when there is nothing to plan because it is daily life things that is well known by the person watching your children.>>

I don't have a standing poa or even updated medical stuff for all of those people in my kids lives, oh well.  I feel more comfortable in going over those things before we leave instead of just not planning and leaving the kids hoping for the best.  ymmv of course and it's okay to leave your kids without planning too, really sping...its okay!



PumpkinAngel

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:45pm

pumpkinangel wrote:
<p><blockquote class="quote-msg quote-nest-1 odd"><div class="quote-author"><em class="placeholder">springfever2013</em> wrote:</div>&lt;p&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:13px"&gt;I believe it, my boss was just gone for two weeks but there was advance notice so we could plan.  &lt;/span&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;span style="font-size:x-small"&gt;&lt;span&gt;That's great. She gave us the info we needed to do her job the day before. Shrug.&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</blockquote></p><p>That wouldn't work in our area, but I know the boss gave that type of notice to others and some didn't even know that the boss was gone.  It all depends on how much interaction and the job involved.</p>

yeah, i often have no idea if my boss is in the office or not. And while he'll let me know when he's going to be gone for more than a day or two, it has basically no effect on my job .

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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