Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:08pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Yes well, none of the rest of us are worried about Paola, either. Are you worried about your DH's court appearance on 8/22? The one in which he has to pay his fine for pleading guilty?</span></p><p><span style="font-size:small"><span>You don't stalk, I mean research very well <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" border="0" /></span></span></p>

What is your side of the story?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:07pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">I detailed it earlier, quotes and everything.  I don't think you will have to excerise tonight with all the spinning today..</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:small">No spinning of anything today. You just didn't read correctly.</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:small"><span>Zumba was great tonight, as usual, thanks <img src="/forums/sites/all/libraries/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" border="0" /></span></span></strong></p>

Oh no, I read correctly you just outright lied and it's interesting watching you try and spin your way out of your lies.  

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:05pm

<<It depends, but that's not really relevant.  Oh wait, now you are going to change the story again and say that you had time to plan a little? 

Not relevant now? Before it was very relevant when I had to do it.>>

Oh no, it's only relevant for those who plan before leaving their children for the week, you said you didn't plan so how long my planning takes is not really relevant for someone who claims they didn't plan.

<<Who said that? Not me. So now I won the contest during the week when the kids were in school? lol>>

Well not me either, I didn't say anything about the middle of the week...but it doesn't matter since you didn't plan the leaving, you just left.

<<Nah, easy planning again. Again, I know because, why? I DID IT lol. Have you ever gone away, for a week, alone with your dh, without your kids?>>

Now it's easy planning?  Hmm, new spin to the lie.  First you said it was no planning and now its' easy planning.  Why yes, I have and it required planning on our part with jobs, home, pets and family.  I wouldn't leave any of those without planning as you claimed.   


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 9:03pm
springfever2013 wrote:
Not really. Especially since some of my family does not live close.

If my family didn't live nearby, it would would be even more of an imposition to expect them to babysit at the drop of the hat than to plan things in advance.

Not all family thinks it is an imposition.

springfever2013 wrote:
Why would you? How many things have you won in your life? Did you take the cash equivalent instead?

You seem to think that having someone babysit for your kids so you can go on vacation is a bad thing, so I'm surprised you didn't take the cash so you wouldn't have to be away from them for so long.  I don't enter contests, so no I haven't won anything.

No, I said that I have no need to go on an overnight or weekend date. Winning a once in a lifetime contest is a no brainer.

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:53pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">Got'cha.  I don't see less importance there, I see relationship difference with your employer.  Nice. </span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">We all have worked together for so many years (my boss just 3 years less than me) that we are all quite close (know what is going on with each other's lives). We celebrate with each other with good things and mourn with them with bad things (we always take the time to go to someone's family's wake as we are all that close). I am glad for the group of people I work with and how fortunate I am that they are understanding and supporting through all of life's changes. </span></strong></p>

I get it.  And favors done become favors returned too,  I hope that conference call you sat in for your boss for last week went well.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:50pm

And FTR, there have been many giveaways I'd like to have participated in/signed up for - trips to concerts, movie premieres, etc - that have been situatioins where the winner would be announced mere days (or in some cases hours) before the event.  So I declined to even participate in the contest.  

Of course there are things you shouldn't enter if you know it won't work with your situation. Didn't think that was rocket science to figure out. lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:49pm

Got'cha.  I don't see less importance there, I see relationship difference with your employer.  Nice. 

We all have worked together for so many years (my boss just 3 years less than me) that we are all quite close (know what is going on with each other's lives). We celebrate with each other with good things and mourn with them with bad things (we always take the time to go to someone's family's wake as we are all that close). I am glad for the group of people I work with and how fortunate I am that they are understanding and supporting through all of life's changes. 

Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:49pm
My psych professor last semester was dx with cancer in the middle of the semester before. He had to miss a lot that semester and I think one of the classes did end up getting cancelled but there were filler teachers in his department for other classes.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:45pm

Whether you did or not is irrelevant. 

That is hilarious as NOW it is not irrelevant. Maybe because I did NOT say I left no notice or one day's notice."

But you said you COULD.  And people couldn't at my job because it wouldn't be acceptable.

I said I COULD, I didn't say I DID.

"My post still stands -- Long period of voluntary leave with one day's notice would be unacceptable anywhere I've worked.

And? That is YOUR job, not mine."

 Yes.  And I"m sorry you don't work at a job that values your work more.

They also value that I have outside interests.

"Involuntary? Like for sickness, death, injury, etc ... acceptable.  But to do so willingly indicates, imo, lack of dedication to the job, a poor work ethic, and a lack of respect to one's coworkers.

How sad when someone can't celebrate something fun and exciting like a vacation that was won by a co-worker but make them feel like they lack dedication to the job, a poor work ethic and a lack of respect to one's coworkers. Sounds like it would be jealousy towards that other person and I am SOOOOO glad that my coworkers were TOTALLY opposite of that and were VERY excited for us. My boss WOULD have let me leave THAT day if needed as she was THRILLED. You can't expect everyone to always be at a job. Things happen and every boss should be prepared for that."

 I expect the same from my employees as I do from myself, and vice versa.  If my employees were the kind to make it necessary to be prepared for long, voluntary absences at the drop of a hat, I'd need new employees.

I feel bad for them then that it is such a rigid place to work that something in life might come up, bad or good that they would get rid of you in an instant. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2011
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 8:42pm

jamblessedthree wrote:
Got'cha.  I don't see less importance there, I see relationship difference with your employer.  Nice.

I think this has already been discussed, hasn't it? The ability to take off work isn't just about the employer relationship, but about the position held.

Could your husband leave for a week with little notice with little/no consequence? 

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