Regrets of a SAHM

Avatar for Cmmelissa
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Registered: 11-13-2008
Regrets of a SAHM
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Wed, 06-19-2013 - 1:49pm

While the mom in the following Huffington Post article was glad she got the chance to be a SAHM mom, now that she is facing an empty nest she is having some regrets about that decision, especially in the area of employment.  She discusses several of them in the article; one being that she felt she lowered her sights and lost her confidence:

But far and away my biggest regret about my years at home was that I lowered my sights for myself as I dimmed in my own mind what I thought I was capable of. I let go of the burning ambition I once held because I didn't feel as though I could hold it and three babies at the same time. My husband did not do this, my children did not do this, I did this. In the years that I was home, I lulled myself into thinking that I was accomplishing enough because I was. I was raising my children and as any parent who had spent a day with a child knows, that can fill all of the hours in a day. What I hadn't realized was how my constant focus on my family would result in my aspirations for myself slipping away. And despite it being obvious, I did not focus on the inevitable obsolescence that my job as mom held.

If you are a SAHM mom, can you relate to that feeling of losing yourself?  How do you give yourself the same focus on your own identity and accomplishments while focusing on raising a family?

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Avatar for savcal2011
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Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:35pm
In my world, one day's notice is equivalent to no notice.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

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Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:35pm

Oh my.  I"m sorry that you (or your job) are so unimportant to your company that it is perfectly acceptable for you to be gone for a week at a time with no notice.

Again, I never said I gave no notice. I HAVE given NO notice when I had pneumonia and there was no problem at all. I gave NO notice when my dad was very sick. I was out for a week and was told I could take as long as I needed. I am glad I have a job that works WITH me and can survive without me for awhile. I have taken 6 months matenity leave with this same job too and they survived. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:32pm

It's very simple to do that sort of thing when one has a job where no one would miss them.  I would not be able to do that easily and would never do so except in an emergency.  I can't imagine considering a cruise an emergency.  Which is absolutely why I, for one, would have taken the cash equivalent.  I don't need to inconvenience everyone at work with the cash equivalent.

You plan your sick days? What would happen if you were really sick or had an emergency and HAD to take a week off with no notice (again I never said that I gave no notice)?

Avatar for savcal2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:27pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">But it was immediate. So  your employer was okay with you just saying "Sorry, won't be in tomorrow for a week.  I have to board a boat in 5 minutes."</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Again, spinning on your part. I NEVER said that, did I? Try and re-read my posts. And yes, I can easily tell my boss I am going away for a week with one day's notice as well as my dh could at that time and now.</span></strong></p>

Oh my.  I"m sorry that you (or your job) are so unimportant to your company that it is perfectly acceptable for you to be gone for a week at a time with no notice.

"I don’t mind a banshee, that’s fine. 2 banshees? I HATE you. I actually wish bad things upon you." -- Day[9] Daily #459 P1

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:23pm

springfever2013 wrote:
<p><span style="font-size:13px">But it was immediate. So  your employer was okay with you just saying "Sorry, won't be in tomorrow for a week.  I have to board a boat in 5 minutes."</span></p><p><strong><span style="font-size:13px">Again, spinning on your part. I NEVER said that, did I? Try and re-read my posts. And yes, I can easily tell my boss I am going away for a week with one day's notice as well as my dh could at that time and now.</span></strong></p>

It's very simple to do that sort of thing when one has a job where no one would miss them.  I would not be able to do that easily and would never do so except in an emergency.  I can't imagine considering a cruise an emergency.  Which is absolutely why I, for one, would have taken the cash equivalent.  I don't need to inconvenience everyone at work with the cash equivalent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:19pm

Yes well, none of the rest of us are worried about Paola, either. Are you worried about your DH's court appearance on 8/22? The one in which he has to pay his fine for pleading guilty?

You don't stalk, I mean research very well Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:18pm

But it was immediate. So  your employer was okay with you just saying "Sorry, won't be in tomorrow for a week.  I have to board a boat in 5 minutes."

Again, spinning on your part. I NEVER said that, did I? Try and re-read my posts. And yes, I can easily tell my boss I am going away for a week with one day's notice as well as my dh could at that time and now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:16pm

Do you have a Authorizaton for Medical Care for Minors or Limited Power of Attorney for the family that was watching your children?

Got everything I need, thanks Laughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:15pm

It seems like it would be more of an imposition to expect family to babysit for a week (or however long) for a "surprise" cruise than it would be plan a weekend getaway and ask in advance for a family member to babysit.

Not really. Especially since some of my family does not live close. 

Plus, usually if you win something like a cruise, you can take the cash equivalent instead anyway.

Why would you? How many things have you won in your life? Did you take the cash equivalent instead?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2013
Mon, 06-24-2013 - 7:14pm

I detailed it earlier, quotes and everything.  I don't think you will have to excerise tonight with all the spinning today..

No spinning of anything today. You just didn't read correctly.

Zumba was great tonight, as usual, thanks Laughing

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