Responding to SAH v. WOH comments IRL

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Responding to SAH v. WOH comments IRL
29
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 1:00pm

I know this has been discussed before, but since I tend to be subjected to the most anti-WOHM comments around the holidays, when extended family gathers, I was hoping for some help. There have been some comments on this board

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 2:41pm

Wow that's a lot of rude sentiments said to you. Well brushing them off is not working--and they are saying these things to you, but supposedly don't mean you? Caring or not, they are not being caring to you.

I think my planned response would be "Wow, it's the holidays . . . I can't believe you are saying such hurtful things to me." Then walk away. Keep repeating statement & walking away until these mean people stop.

In the ever timely words of Inigio Montoya from The Princess Bride "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

In the frequently relevant (to so many debates on Ivillage) words of Inigio Montoya from The Princess Bride "You keep using that

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 2:56pm
do you need a refresher course in the "Katie's mom's stare of death" tactic?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 3:06pm

I need a supplementary course--how to adapt the stare of death when the speaker won't make eye contact, or the topic

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 3:23pm

well there are variations - never underestimate the power of a raised eyebrow, or my favorite, the resigned sigh and the crossed arms and the look of utter boredom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 3:31pm

Wow...first of all, sorry that you have to deal with these types of comments and second, brushing them off doesn't seem to be working.


I think I would ask them point blank, why do they feel they are in a position to judge other's and how they choose to live their lives?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 4:44pm
When I have to deal with these kinds of people, I know that neither ignoring the comments nor arguing with them is going to help. So I just agree with them in a way that makes it clear that what they have said is just really stupid. Like, "Pregnant Moms put an unfair burden on co-workers," I would just say something like, "Yeah, it's too bad we have all these civil rights nowadays. We should probably go back to the nineteenth century when bosses were just free to fire people without giving a reason. I know who'd be the first to go in my office if that were the case." Or, "I know, you know, there are so few WOHMS volunteering in the schools my kids attend! I know, because they make us all wear a special ribbon so we can spot each other, and usually, I am the only one there with the WOH ribbon. How do they handle identifying the work status of volunteers at your PTA?" If they accuse me of putting money above my children, I tell 'em, "Yeah, that's me. Miss Materialistic. My stuff is so much nicer than anyone else's. If I'd thought about it earlier, I'd have just sold the children when they were young and cute, but guess I'll have to make a pretense of caring about them for another few years." If they point out that kids in daycare are evil and rotten, just agree. Point out you've noticed it too, doggone it, and it's such a bad deal for working parents. No 18 month old NOT in daycare has ever bitten anyone, and it's just such a burden on society, blah, blah, blah. Eventually, they'll shut up. Or you can just sit there laughing quietly to yourself if they don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 8:38pm

LOL! I would love to be at the party where you say these things!


Seriously, though, I agree with you that sarcasm is one of the best defenses against rudeness. It deflects the mean comment, but it also makes the person really think about what he or she has said. (And for those who aren't the sarcastic type, just showing your hurt and making the other person feel bad also works really well.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 8:55am

Thanks, everybody!


When I think about the sources of the comments, I think each of the suggestions would work with a different individual. One is elderly, and I will give her a free pass. One just does not seem to think,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 11:16am
I am blessed with a demeanor that can get away with being very sarcastic and still seeming "sweet." Sort of like Sally Field, only on crack.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2007
Wed, 12-16-2009 - 12:40pm

I agree. A non commital um or huh works wonders.


Or a "I hear the price of tea in China has gone up." a version of "Whats that got to do with the price of Tea in China (IOW, what does her 2 year old temper tantruming kid have to do with me?)

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Jenna and Michael, lucky to have Adam, Mady, Aidin and Bryn.

              *Praying for my best friend, my Dad*


 &n

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