Rock and a Hard Place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Rock and a Hard Place
1524
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am

There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 1:04pm
You're right. I had to laugh at myself because after I posted this, I realized that neither dh or myself are highly educated (I am halfway through getting my b.a. right now) yet we are bound and determined that our kids WILL get an education-or at least be given the opportunity to get one.

It does all come down to the parenting, it really does. And I think in some ways, coming from a childhood with a low SES made me a better person. I have a very strong work ethic and drive-something I see lacking in my own brothers (whom I adore, dont get me wrong) whose upbringing had a much higher SES than mine. There are just no guarantees either way. Seen that movie *Born Rich*?? Very high SES kids who are, for the most part, very unhappy and messed up!

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 1:28pm
While I don't agree that super-high SES kids are "for the most part unhappy and messed up," I do know some people of the type you mean. Can afford all the drugs they want, think they're too good to work, and are depressed and filled with ennui at 16. I agree that there can be some advantages coming from a low SES situation - no substitute for firsthand experience to see just exactly what it's like to bag groceries to be able to afford the insurance on your hand-me-down uncool 15 YO car and why you'd be willing to put your nose to the grindstone in order to do and have something else. It's going to be interesting for my DH and me (both of us had schizophrenic SES's, I guess you might describe it) to raise our child with a much higher SES in a tremendously higher SES neighborhood - he's going to have a set of pressures and expectations, both for good and for ill, that we simply know little about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 1:33pm
Actuallly I was referring to the high ses kids in the movie I mentioned-I didnt mean high ses kids were overall unhappy.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:18pm
Were you referring to the Little People toys? My dd (16 months) has them and has sooo much fun! In fact *I* love them. It's like a whole *universe!*
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:28pm
I absolutely agree that a bit of gentle direction never hurts, and giving a child opportunities to practice and accomplish something is definitely worthwhile. It is just that while something might be developmentally appropriate for a child at a certain age, it doesn't always mean that they are ready to do that thing yet and that doesn't mean that something is wrong with them or they are being unusually slow. Honestly, I do check what other kids ds's and dd's age are doing, for much the same reasons as you do. Especially with ds (as he is the oldest) we also weren't (and aren't) always sure what he might be ready to try or what might be developmentally appropriate for him. But some things is just not ready to deal with, even though many of the kids his age are.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:36pm
Darn. I really should start describing myself as a SAHM. When my older one was in 1/2 day kindergarten, I picked him up and took him over to his daycare providers' at the end of his school day. When my younger one was in all day kindergarten, I picked him up and took him home at the end of the day.....guess that makes me a SAHM, lol!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:45pm
<<< His natural inclination is to avoid activities that he doesn't immediately excel in>>>

Not saying that this is the case with your 4 y/o, but this a hazard of praising accomplishment as opposed to effort. Kids know the difference. When parent's are pleased with achievement, kids tend not to try things they don't do well with. I disagree with your contention that you need to determine if effort is paying off. True effort always pays off even if not in achievement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:48pm
Sure babies DO interact with one another, but they DO NOT engage in cooperative play. They simply aren't capable of it. Babies are egocentric, they can't empathize with others even if it appears that they are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:51pm
Removing a child from a situation is one technique in teaching acceptable behaviour. ITA that teachers don't have enough time to do everything. The Canadian system is clearly different than the U.S. system. Teachers and schools here don't get paid according to their achievement. It's a numbers game here - the school is allotted a certain number of $$ per child. Special needs children, including behaviour problem children, are allotted more $$ for an aide if they are labelled special needs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 3:53pm
Just going by what CLW posted.

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