Rock and a Hard Place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Rock and a Hard Place
1524
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am

There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 8:58pm
Nope,that was for preschoolers here,and you didn't answer the question about nannies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 9:07pm
Then how do those unread children benefit from a high ses status,then?I am sorry,but a place where less than half the kids go to college and most of k's don't know what a book is does not sound like an educated(part of the "soci-" in ses) place AT ALL to me.

AND---as *already* asked,what about wohms who do not use dc?What about their kids?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 10:19pm
SES is about more than just where you live but I'll speak to the where we live part because that is common. The schools here are pretty good, the neighborhood is safe, there are parks to play in and enrichment activities there for the taking if you choose (contrast this with where we'd live if I didn't WOH where the schools seriously suck, you can't play outside because the neighborhood isn't safe, the parks are the territory of gangs and there is zilch in the way of enrichment offered by the city). There's a lot to be said for living in a safe neighborhood and going to good schools. Our SES is higher than that of our neighbors in that we can afford quite a bit more. It was apparent that many of my dd's classmates had never worked a computer prior to starting school when I used to volunteer in the computer lab (I would still be volunteering but they installed a new lab but can't get anything running so no one is going to the computer lab at the moment.)

SES isn't just about your address. We choose to live where we do because we can have a higher lifestyle by doing it. We could choose to be house poor in an even better neighborhood but I fail to see the advantage in that. I think the lifestyle we have compares favorably to the one we'd have if we made that move because of things like living in a household that doesn't know the definition of financial stress and being able to afford enrichment activities for our kids that the city doesn't offer for free. Financial stress around here is dh and I arguing about which stocks to buy for the kids college funds. I wouldn't make a move up from where we are unless I knew we wouldn't be introducing financial stress into the picture. We are talking about moving to an even better school district (housing costs are about the same) but that will introduce an hours commute for both dh and myself.

We're debating if the loss in time is worth it. Our schools, which up until now, have been pretty good just adopted Everyday Mathematics which is hopelessly lacking in math basics (the program is all frosting and no cake. Lots of glitz that dazzles parents but too little of what kids really need to succeed in higher mathematics IMO.) and I'd like to get my dd's out of this program. Our stop gap measure was to place dd#1 into tutoring at Sylvan to make sure she doesn't fall off the table. Now we're trying to decide whether we'd prefer to continue to pay Sylvan or move and pick up longer commutes. (The city we would move to has an A rated school system which reviewed and rejected Everyday Mathematics a couple of years back in favor of a more traditional approach to teaching math). It's a tough decision as Sylvan is reducing our monthly savings and both of us like where we are because we have more time at home due to short commutes.

As to kids going on to college, this is a blue collar town. Many will go into trades like their parents. However, I think we're over half the kids going to college if you count technical school and community college. Of course not all of them graduate as is always the case. The percentage of americans with college degrees is still pretty small.


Edited 11/22/2003 10:35:00 PM ET by cyndyluwho2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 10:53pm
>>I take that you've never known anyone to drink in the AM or watch the soaps?

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One friend back in high school had an alcoholic mother who did drink all the time, not just in the morning. I don't think it had to do with her working status though. She had serious other problems & was a terrible mother.

In college, I knew folks who watched soaps, and I watched a few myself during long summer breaks. :-O

My mom, who was SAHM most of my childhood, never watched TV. Honestly, how could she with three of us, an extremely demanding DH, pets, a house, yard, pool, to take care of, not to mention volunteering, church work, etc.? My mom was busy.

The story you mentioned about soap-addicted SAHM who didn't notice her child playing in the street...you're right, you can't possibly pay attention to children when you're parked in front of the boob tube! I think that has more to do with how attentive a parent you are, not your working status though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 10:53pm
No but it doesn't take all day and I had all day long at home to fill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 11:45pm
What for? Is it now a crime to drink? Having someone offer me Kalua in my coffee at 9 AM is not reason to call the authorities.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 11:48pm
A two year old out on the street while her mother watches soaps is certainly something to contact authorities about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 1:28am
>>>No the problem isn't how my mind works. It's that I prefer to be busy. I don't need my day laid out for me, I just need enough to do to fill it. As I've said before I don't do well with a cup full of time and a thimbleful of work to put in it. Sorry, but I'm not going to sit around and dream up things to do to keep myself busy when I can be out doing constructive things instead.

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Some SAHMs also prefer to be busy and are able to do it while being a SAHM. You may not have had enough to do during your days as a SAHM, but many women who SAH have plenty of constructive things to do without much dreaming. Its not the SAH status, its the person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 1:30am
>>>College students watch them,and car salesman,at least according to my brother who works at one-they watch them in the lounge until a victim,um ,customer,walks in.People learning Spanish watch the Spanish ones,or at least men who say they are trying to learn Spanish,while swearing the hot babes in revealing outfits and tight dresses have nothing to do with it!

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My mom's DOCTOR was addicted to Young & Restless. He said he used to tape them during the day to watch at night!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 9:20am
You must live in a wacky place. Around here there are people out everywhere.

Jenna

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