Rock and a Hard Place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Rock and a Hard Place
1524
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am

There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 12:11pm
This seems so wierd to me. When I sah ft, I had a fussy, colicky infant to care for who seldom napped more than once a day for 45 minutes. Even with just one child to care for, *filling my day* was not an issue. You make it sound like you really couldnt come up with things to do. Maybe its a personality thing, I dont see things like reading, writing, painting, gardening, running, biking, hiking, swimming, skiing, photography, travel, field trips (zoo, park, fire station, museum, library, etc), as busy work. Top all that off with caring for 2 children and running a household, and I honestly never lacked for things to fill my time OR stimulate my brain. I cant imagine *needing* a 40 hr workweek to feel *busy*. In fact, having the freedom from that work week gave me time to pursue other interests (not hobbies or busy work). Like I said, it takes a particular creative bent I think. Nothing wrong with you not being able to do that, but dont put others down who have that ability. Your posts have a very disdainful *tone* when you speak of *busy work* or *hobbies* or *scrapbooking*-there can be a bit more to it than that. Its about where one's interests lie, and how much effort one chooses to put in.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 2:49pm
Wow...There were some pretty brutal responses before yours. It's suprises me to see how one sided people always are on this issue. I am a young mom (23) and I have two small children. My husband and I both work full time and the kids attend a small home care. This works well for us but I would never be so assuming as to say "since this is what works for me, this is what everyone should do". I think SAH under the right conditions is the optimal setting for kids. And I certainly agree with you in that if I were to SAH I would not have to make up things to do. I am just not that sort of mom. Perhaps because I do not have a lot of experience behind me I center my identity in my job. Without it, I don't think I'd feel fulfilled. But that's me. I think the original posting that started this conversation is absolutely right! We should all just support each other and stop arguing for (or against) one side or the other. Ultimately whatever environment nutures our children and provides them with a strong educational and moral foundation is the right one. And just as there are myriads of children out there, there are an equal number of environments that can all be different and yet correct at the same time as long as they are tailored to their specific family....and more importantly their specific child!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 2:52pm
There's nothing wrong with my creative bent. I see no need to invent things to do just to kill time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 2:53pm
If I called the police every time a child wandered off around here, I'd be calling them all the time. Kids do wander off you know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 2:55pm
No but they give you someplace to start. Knowing SAH/WOH makes little difference puts the decision in perspective.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 2:57pm
Do you really see dcp and nannies as people who are "killing time" while caring for children 8-10 hours per day? Why is SAH the equivalent of having to kill time for you, but not for dcp and nannies? It certainly wasn't a matter of trying to kill time for me or other SAHMs I knew...we took the act of caregiving seriously.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 2:57pm
What about nannies? Perhaps they don't like to keep busy all the time like I do. It's obvious that other people don't care to keep busy. I do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 3:01pm
How does it put the decision in perspective? The question of whether having a SAHP or not did not make "little difference" to us, it made a lot of difference...and, as far as I can tell, it made a big difference for you as well since having one of you SAH would have impacted your SES enormously. These kinds of statistics are simply not applicable to the individual and I, personally, wouldn't even use them as a starting point.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 3:06pm
Wow, that seems to be a pretty contemptous comment on a whole group of professionals merely because their profession happens to be centered on children. Do you only respect dcp and nannies if they are dealing with more than 4 children at a time?


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 3:35pm
But thats just it. I never had to *invent* things to do. I have enough interests that there was no need to. If you feel like things like art, writing, music, etc. are *inventing* things to do (or even just reading a good book), then again, thats your own personal limitation. If you dont have an *artsy* personality, where creative activities dont appeal to you and arent part of your life, its perfectly understandable that those kind of things would seem *invented*. The difference being, those kind of things for ME are just part of who I am. Not woh ft gives me the opportunity to pursue them further.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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