Rock and a Hard Place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Rock and a Hard Place
1524
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am

There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 10:08am
a.k.a. "The style to which I would like to become accustomed." ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 10:22am
I don't know if it is either/or. I was simply reiterating what I had heard at this seminar. It was very interesting. Their recommendation is not to even introduce a computer until at least the age of 7. My ds loves the computer. He is 5 y/o and has been playing on it since he was 18 mos. I am buying what they were selling though - it made total sense and I will be working hard to keep my ds off the pc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 10:50am

You know, bad things happen to good parents.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 10:53am
Because there may be other factors that weigh the decision towards one choice or the other that have nothing to do with being emotionally taken care of or the benefits of increased income. In our particular case, for example, having the kids at home full time with me for the first couple of years gave them a very solid basis in English and a reasonable basis in German before being introduced to the local language. Had they started dc in the local language from infancy, chances are very great that they would be passively trilingual at this point (meaning that they would not actively speak the home languages, choosing instead to speak the local language but would probably understand English and German). The ability of a child to speak a language is directly linked to the amount of time they are exposed to that language, more time translates it to better proficiency...one of the cases where more time really means something important.

I know a lot of bi and tri-lingual families and the pattern is pretty clear: children who have at least a couple of years at home with complete exposure to the home language are more likely to continue to speak that language on an active basis later on. Every family I know of whose child started ft dc between age 0 and 2 have ended with passive bilinguals, the only exceptions I know of are people who hired nannies who spoke the home language (not a possibility for many considering the language restrictions put on aupairs in many countries). Many many children, even with that complete exposure, tend to get more passive as they spend more time in a local language dc or school. The longer the child is mainly exposed to the home languages the more likely it is that that child will be an active and balanced bilingual later on in the school years. The fact that dh has never been a ft SAHP with the kids has directly impacted the children's language abilities: English is by far the strongest of the home languages, German is much weaker (though they understand very well) and they usually mix in a lot of English or Swedish with German. We now schedule 2-3 weeks every year where dh is home with the kids ft and I work. Those weeks of nearly exclusive exposure to German help a lot, but it doesn't make up for the differences completely.

Being at home ft with the kids in the very early years meant that they had a chance to really focus on their English skills, it also meant that ds and dd spent 2.5 years speaking exclusively English with each other (had they been in dc together they would have ended up speaking Swedish with each other exclusively, I have seen no exceptions to this trend). They still speak exclusively English with each other because of the pattern set for them early one. It also gave me the time I needed to get involved in the English-speaking and German-speaking (I am fluent in German) communities and help foster friendships with other children who speak English or German. To this day, the children have friends from the German-speaking community with whom they still speak German, even though all the children are now fluent in Swedish. The end result is that both of the kids are basically actively fluent in all three languages and ds can read above grade level in all three languages as well. Just for the purpose of maintaining family ties, this time at home was worth more than any money I could have made during those years. But being actively trilingual will be, imo, an educational asset for them as well that more than makes up for a somewhat lower SES in those early years. If SES is about parental education levels and the educational opportunities a parent can provide as well as pure money, then any parent who can provide some kind of unusual or different education at home may be well making the best choice by SAH for some time.

Whew! That got way too long and probably doesn't make any sense at all...sorry about that!

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 11:27am
IME, Cindy's right. The key is education more than income. I used to manage a public library in an area that had a lot of rather well-off blue-collar families. We were less likely to see those kids than the kids whose parents worked lower-paying service-sector jobs. Income *is* most important, but income levels being equal, or even slightly behind, kids in white-collar families are more likely to be read to.

I found an Australian study that supports this observation (please note the table at the bottom): http://www.aifs.org.au/institute/pubs/fm1/fm36eg.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 11:40am

I agree with you about the reading issue, but one point I need to make about your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 11:43am
I have a suggestion for parents of small children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 12:02pm
i guess i just don't see the problem with limited time on it per day (no more than 20-30 min. tops). Lots of time to do lots of other things.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 12:29pm
My understanding, from the seminar I attended, was not the time spent to the exclusion of other things. The concern was with regard to the hard wiring of the young brain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 12:37pm
again, i don't think that 20-30 min. per day is going to "wreck" or "destroy" or "disable" the hard-wiring.

eileen

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