Rock and a Hard Place
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Rock and a Hard Place
| Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am |
There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.
| Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am |
There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.
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Anything else is just pretension for the sake of seeming to care.
How are you absolutely positive that your child knows where he fits in the class if he isn't allowed to discuss it? Or do you mean, as long as he isn't smartest, he is allowed to disccuss it. But should he be smartest, then he should of course pretend that he hadn't noticed? Playing small and pretending gifts don't exist, does noone any good. A child who is smartest should be allowed to be aware of it without being made to feel guilty, just the same as the child who is average is generally allowed to admit that. If your child can't 'admit' to his mother that he is smartest, how sad is that? I'll say it again. Its you who has the problem with competition. I can't tell if you are worried about someone else getting to have the "smartest" child and just wish said child wouldn't be allowed to let his parents know, or whether you want to go on belieiving you have the smartest without ever having to face concrete facts that might prove that as untrue. Either way. You have a competition issue wrt your children.
I however an interested in seeing that they learn certain kinds of things, and that they work to their potential. I am interested in seeing that they learn to set goals, put in required effort. I want them to learn to set goals in terms of some meaningful end result, and I want them to learn to judge for themselves how much effort will be required for themselves to meet such goal, and to learn to determine for themselves if the goal is worth it in terms of effort required. They absolutely cannot not take a step towards learning to analyze, predict, judge effort and requirement or to set meaningful goals, without looking around to see what everyone else is doing, how much effort it takes others, what goals they achieve. People who can't do a decent job of knowing what they want and analyzing what it will take, and then deciding if the end is worth the effort...just drive me nuts. People who insist their best should have been enough, or the effort they put in was enough and the cruel world didn't give them the love they deserve, are often the ones who refuse to acknowlege the comparative nature of life. People who are up against external road blocks that others don't face, don't gain the same rewards as a result, and are unaware of that are equally annoying. Its not just a concept that applies in terms of concrete academic results. It applies all over the place in life and in trying to achieve anything at all. An ability to be aware of the achievements and effort put forth by others, and to apply that to ones own self and goals, is critical. I refuse to teach my kids that this aspect of life doesn't matter.
I have no problems with academic competition between equally capable competitors. THAT makes some sense and is a challenge. To *allow* (which is totally ridiculous anyway) my son to feel superior to his age mates would not benefit him at all. As I said, I send him to school for the socialization at least as much, if not more, than the academics. He is certainly *allowed* to discuss anything he would like to discuss. Where he fits in his class, at the age of 5, is clearly not an issue for him. He enjoys school and considers all the kids his friends. Being the smartest is not a big deal. In fact, he would prefer to be the fastest - in terms of running, but that aint gonna happen. They compete in K, don't get me wrong, but not for top grades.
Just so you know, I was able to raise one accelerated learner who learned to challenge herself. Again, comparing her to her age mates in early elementary would have been a waste of time and would only serve to give me the knowledge that my child was the *smartest*. Do tell, what purpose or benefit is there to having that knowledge? I always acknowledged her academic *gifts*, but understood that that is what they were - gifts - requiring little to no effort. Had she or I been content with the status of *smartest* she would not have been challenged academically. No one here pretends gifts don't exist, but we don't praise the receiver of the gift for having received it. We do praise effort and moreso when the effort is put toward something that does not come without effort. In ds's case that would be gross motor activity. DD1 grew up with a healthy self esteem and is a well rounded adult. Since *my* blinders seemed to work well with her, I will keep em on with ds.
Laura
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