Rock and a Hard Place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Rock and a Hard Place
1524
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am

There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 1:36pm
LOL, I think almost anytime you have more than one child, you have very different children with different abilities, strengths and weaknesses. I come from a family of 6 children. I too was an early reader, as were most of my siblings, and my parents were very competitive. We were constantly compared to each other, although often subtly. My sister, who is 2 years older than me, was not an avid reader. I remember growing up thinking she was stupid. Nobody actually SAID that, but we all thought it... those thoughts came from somewhere I am sure. She didn't actually learn to read until well into second grade. She always suffered from low self esteem as a result of not measuring up to the family standard. She quit school in Grade 9 and went to work in the laundry room of a major hotel. There she was taken under the wing of the hotel manager. Her self esteem improved and as an adult she went back to school. Long story short, she is a genius. She aced each and every one of her matric diploma exams - shocking not only our parents, but herself as well. She attended university on full academic scholorships and is a very successful business woman. She certainly wasn't the same as her siblings! The rest of us read early and were pretty good students, but she is the only genius in the family. Lesson to be learned? I think so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 1:38pm
No, the teacher can be evaluated by comparing the average results for same grade classes in similar schools. Its EXACTLY why the teachers hear HATE HATE HATE the mandatory 3rd and 6th grade testing. School results are compared, and results are presented by region, by school board too. Its pretty easy for a casual observer to do some quick deomogaphic corrections and compare their school to others that are truly similar. The teachers feel like they are being evaluated. Truth is, unless the school is very big with with alot of 3rd and 6th grade teachers - the results do reflect teacher performance. You can't really get away from it unless you use blinders and alot of imaginination.

The student in the class results don't reflect teacher performance. They reflect parental and child performance. If most of the class has achieved a certain level, but your child has not - it ain't the teacher factor. If your child has outperformed most of the class, that ain't a teacher factor either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:08pm
She was going off of their behavior regarding books. They didn't seem to know what to do with them, didn't realize the print was words and didn't know many of their letters. I'm sure she was basing her observations on the kids not anything she knew about the parents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:09pm
That's what I think. I don't think she had any inside information on the families. I think she was just going off of what she saw in the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:37pm
If you are against in-class-comparisons, how in the world did your daughters school ever decide that she should skip? Why didn't they skip like the whole class? You do realize that if even a third of the class were performing to your daughters level...she would not have been skipped? They don't skip them when they meet certain milestones. They skip them when they outperform their peers. In their own grade at their own school. SPECIFICALLY. It really wouldn't matter if the school down the road had been home to 12 out 25 Gr 1 students who performed at your daughters level. They still would have skipped your daughter at her school. Because as it goes...a whole lot of very important decisions are based on this evil comparison of kids within a class. As it goes with everything else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:49pm
Thats exactly it. I've already heard it from parents already and my oldest is only in Gr 4. It comes up in this context "well the teacher recommeded strategy xyz to help Jonny, but Jonny has been progressing so well this year so we've decided againt it." The year to year teacher switch messes people up too, cause they see only their child's marks and there is no way to correct for the exceptionally good or exceptionally easy marking teacher factor. And that factor is just part of life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:52pm
Its not a fine line. Its a huge gulf. Kids who are raised be be braggarts (probably by braggarts) will go out and announce it to everyone and anyone. Kids who have have been taught differently will discuss it where they have learned such things would be appropriate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 2:55pm
I agree. I agreed somewhere else with basically the same thing. We've seen alot of it already going around. And then there are the others who push kids who are already truly excelling, because the parents for some equally unfortunate reason, believe this not to be the case.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 3:03pm
You feel sorry for them - why? Because if they don't make the team, they won't have the recourse of crying "Wah boo hoo. Everyone else cheated. I tried my best. My best is good enough. It has to be. It was my best and that is what counts, that is all that counts. Oh cruel world why do you hate me so?" or "how in the world do they expect me to do so much work...I'm not putting in that work but I should have the reward because I want it, its cruel and unfair and its just eaaaassssiiiieeerr for everyone else" and will have to settle for "Well, I tried my best, its all I can do, guess this just is beyond me " or maybe "Well, I know I could have probably made it with more work but that work just isn't worth it I just don't want this as much as some of those others" or "Hmm. Well, I did my best and I still didn't get it. I wonder, do some of those other kids put in some effort or do somethings I don't...I should find out..."
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 11-27-2003 - 3:05pm
Honestly? I have yet to meet a boy age 7 or over who has not had a massive tendency to be a braggart. I don't have the impression that this is such a girl thing. They do seem to grow out of it by age 12 or 13.

Laura

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