Rock and a Hard Place

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Rock and a Hard Place
1524
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 10:45am

There's something on this board that has been bothering me, and I hope I can articulate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:02pm
Nope. She gave her professional opinion. She's only had about 20 years of experience as a kindy teacher. I think she can probably tell the difference between a child who is read to and one who is not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:09pm
I am not opposed to a teacher gathering this type of data. As I said before, it may be beneficial to the school and to the teacher for administrative purposes. In the case of an exceptional student, it could be used as ONE of the tools. I am very opposed to the OP and the context the information was provided in, which was clearly to confirm the teacher bias against SAHPs - which is ridiculous. In that case, the data gathered is particularly irrelevent given the huge disparity between the haves and the have nots. It would be extremely beneficial to the teacher, however for making a case for obtaining an aide - or two or three. There was no value in sharing the information with each and every parent. None.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:09pm
ITA! My feelings are not what matter here. That my dd has any issues that need addressing diagnosed IS. Right now, my dd is so far ahead of her peers it is a concern. For the time being, this is being dealt with by her teacher having her do more/harder work. My dd is struggling a bit with this because she knows the teacher is accepting less from her classmates than from her. These are issues that need to be dealt with. I've always known my dd was no dummy but she's far enough ahead for it to be a real concern. Seeing where the other kids rank really drives home how different she is. If all the teacher had done was told me my dd was first in her class, I wouldn't have realized how she stands apart from her peers. Looking at a chart with a large group at the bottom, a smaller group about 80% of the way up and a lone child at the top is a bit of an eye opener. My dd has a tendency to dummy herself down to whatever group she's in. It can be hard to see just how different she is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:14pm
Fortunately, that is not the case. According to my dd's teacher, and a few pieces of research on tht matter, us WM's have nothing to worry about in the school readiness dept.

Would it have bothered me if she had said that? Sure but if it were true, which it fortunately is not, it would need to be said and addressed! When children are not getting what they need to succeed or are getting what they need to succeed, the parents should be told! Fortunately, I was told mine are getting what they need to succeed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:16pm
<<>>

Be forewarned to be very very careful. If you have one child who excels academically and one who does not, in this culture the one who does not will feel less than the one who does. It can be devastating to a little ego. I know this to be true from personal experience - don't know if you read my post about my sister? Once my sister UNDERSTOOD that she was dumb - she was. Nobody ever told her she was, but we all knew it since she was not getting the grades the rest of us were. She stopped trying - what was the use? It wasn't until she was an adult (and has gone through some therapy)that she has discovered how truly brilliant she really was - and she failed two grades. She COULDN'T read until into 2nd grade. Comparing and contrasting children sounds innocent enough, and you may not realize or think it is having an impact, but it does - and it is devastating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:20pm
Good post - great points. Absolutely the best education any child can receive is one based on a IPP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:23pm
It has NO meaning. You are foolish to rate your child based on the performance of others. And Sylvan won't help either. YOU need to take more of an interest in her education and in keeping track of her progress - unless you are satisfied with average.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:25pm
She gave her very UNPROFESSIONAL opinion, and I don't care how many years she's been teaching. Maybe she's burnt out - and is focussing on proving her own biases against SAHMs as opposed to teaching 5 y/os. There is something wrong with this teacher - I wouldn't entrust my child's education to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:31pm
Further evidence of an incompetent teacher. Giving her harder work and expecting less from her classmates. Tsk tsk. When my dd1 was in K and was clearly advanced (although I didn't see the chart - snickering)the teacher certainly did not set her apart from the other children. And that was almost 20 years ago - even then they knew not to do that - particularly when the primary focus of K is socialization! Get your kid OUT of that class. There is testing to determine if she is indeed gifted and the dough head teacher should be suggesting it be done. The worst possible thing she could do is set her apart and make her stand out as being different. In K, that is so absolutely unneccessary you should be outraged. Gosh, that poor kid - a bunch of numb skulls having control over her future this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 4:33pm
Do you think these children who aren't being read to (if that's true) will suddenly embrace education as they get older? A few probably will. But a more likely scenario is that kids coming from a home where books are valued will be seen as nerds/geeks/"thinks she's smarter than us" and so on. That won't be much fun for your kids and could even be a hostile atmosphere for learning. If the kid who gets an A is reviled at school, the pressure to get B's and C's in order to fit in at school can outweigh the pressure from home to excell academically. If excelling socially is incompatible with excelling academically, guess which one most kids choose?

I say this not from personal experience (I have never lived in such a place), but from the experience of friends shuddering over school memories. Some held their academics in check until they got into college. So they could probably have gotten into a better college than they (and I) were in, but didn't want to be the one freak who read more than was needed to get by. And they never even said it was a place where half the kids they went to weren't read to. Some parents will read to kids out of a sense of duty because they know it's something they ought to be doing. But they don't read for their own entertainment and don't encourage the kids to do so either, so reading is only something you should do and never something you want to do. So of course these kids RECOGNIZE a book and it's purpose even at 5, but reading is presented as an obligation rather than fun.

Because these kids are the kids your child will be with till she's 18 (unless you move or switch to private school), what their parents do will impact you and your kids. Because if the way your children are being raised (with books) is out of step with half the classroom, your kid will be "weird".

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