Roles of the parent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Roles of the parent.
1094
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 3:29am
I think in the old days men use to tell women the what to do, or what not to do. Today we let other women tell us what is right for us. I have never seen two situations that are the same in any relationship. The roles are changing as we type right now. Women use to think it was worth it to spend as much time at home with their children as time would give them. However, that is not the case today. It is all very sad if you ask me because you have some men that are saying "I will stay home for the kids", and at the same time the women opt not too.I have three girls, the oldest is 8 and the youngest is 3 months , each child has a four yr space. Some parents need duel incomes. I think as children get older it is okay to get work outside the house, but as they are growing and learning new things I would like to see that for myself if I can. I have another year of college and then I will have to work, and I am not looking forward to it. The idea of being away from my children is scary to me. I find it hard to even let them go outside and play. However, I am getting better with it. Both my parents worked, and I recalled how much I wanted to be with my mom. I would have been happy just to go to Walmarts with her, but she never really had the time. It is not a matter of what is right or wrong, but what is the need of the family? Can a family make it on one check? That depends on the location, the home, car, and the life style that the parents want to have. Some could say if you want to be safe, you both have to pay because safe comes with a high price tag. Others could say different. The truth is stay at home moms are on the downfall due to the different types of families today. Is it bad or good, I do not know. However, I can tell you it is life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:17pm

Well, let's hope they turn out well. You do realize that kids can turn out bad even from good homes, right?

I'm sad for your kids that you view how they turn out as your accomplishment. Are they aware that they are responsible for their mothers sense of accomplishment? How do you think they'll deal with it if they let you down?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:19pm
LOL, the old anyone who doesn't agree with me must be guilty argument complete with copping an attitude and refusing to explain how you know the other person must be reacting out of guilt. How typical.


Edited 3/9/2006 10:15 pm ET by kbmammm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:20pm

I've come to find the *homeschooling doesnt prepare for the real world* argument a really annoying one. How exactly does public school prepare on for the *real* world? School, especially once one reaches middle school and high school, is its own weird little subculture that is completely NOT like the real world.

The majority of homeschooled kids I know are very socially active, have friends from all walks of life and all age groups, well-traveled, etc. The antiquated notion that homeschooled means mom teaching kids around the hand-hewn kitchen table with the bible is exactly that-antiquated.

I've found modern homeschoolers less about sheltering and more about giving their kids a wider range of opportunity and education than their public school can offer.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:33pm

" would not be comfortable using standardized testing to make sure "my" HS'd child was at least at the level of the local public school. Our school uses standardized tests to see how ITS students compare to other students in the district. We have minimum district standards of education."

Standardized tests are intended as a measure of how schools are doing and the results only as good as the test. Here, you pass if you score a 2 but the bottom of that range is pretty low. My child passing a standardized test wouldn't give me much confidence in their education. Those test are really meant for statistical analysis.

My chidlren's scores are just overall subject scores. They don't tell me their strengths and weaknesses. Honestly, a child can score 70% (well above passing on our test) by acing 7 out of 10 section and flunking 3 or by getting 70% across the board or any combination in between. How you would proceed with that child's education would be totally different in these two cases. Child A doesn't need much in the way of review in the 7 areas she aced. She really just needs to get to and concentrate on the last three. Child B needs review in all 10 areas to make sure she doesn't forget things and fall through the cracks. She's sitting on the border across the board without a firm hold on anything.

IMO, you can't use state standardized tests to determine if you're teaching is working for a particular student. You can't garner that much information off of the test results.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:38pm

>>An education is as good as you make it....I think the a<<
so true TB3 and very very real. ita.

>>little competitive town is for the "A" and "B" students to hire tutors. (In my day, only failing students hired tutors.) Pe<<
right again. let's just say in my little part of texas, the ones spending hours on top of saturday hours at kumon and sylvan are the same ones that ace the spelling bee competitions and valedictorian honors. my child can't compete nor should have to compete with that.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:43pm

"If I could handpick all of my children's classmates and cherry pick only those who are just like me, sure I would expect their grades to be higher."

Yes.

" I am far too disorganized and my children are just not that self-motivated..."

I'm trying to picture home schooling in this house. I'm thinking breakfast around noonish, lol. It would be 1:00 in the afternoon before we did anything, lol. There is a reason I'm not self employer or homeschooling. None of us are particularly self starters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 9:56pm

"Yes, actually it is militant to state that one rather than both matter. "

Motherhood matters. Working matters because of the improved finances that often come with it. SAH falls into mother hood matters just like WOH if you ignore the financial benefits.

The point, which you missed, is that WOH can claim a benefit for their family in the form of their income whereas SAH cannot claim a special benefit based on their work status. I am both a mother and a wage earner. The mothering part would not be different if I SAH. The wage earning part would be.

I stand by what I said. WOH does matter, SAH does not. WOH matters because of financial factors not because it's a better brand of motherhood or something. It matters because it improves our family's finances. That's a big part of the reason we do it.

If you look at research, you will find that kids in families with similar incomes turn out pretty much the same. It that's the case, how does SAH matter? WOH does because the family wouldn't have the income if mom didn't work. If the kids turn out the same then how does SAH matter when compared to WOH? Financially, WOH matters compared to SAH. Not for everyone but for most of us who do it. That's a significant number of moms.

It is not militant to state an argument and then logically defend it. You just call it militant because of your own militant tendencies. You seem to want to say that SAH matters over WOH. It doesn't. It's the other way around. And no, they are not equivalent because of the income factor except for the cases where moms work for nothing or they have so much to begin with their income is inconsequential. I don't think that describes a high percentage of WOHM's

And again, to be militant you have to think that everyone should do things one way. I have never said that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 10:00pm

On an individual basis, lots of things matter to us that don't matter to others but that's ok, it's our life and our choice.

My arguments are limited to the current class of WOHM's. While I can say their working matters because they raise their family's income level, I can't say that would be the case for SAHM's. I can, however, say that, most of the time, WOH matters because of the income mom brings in. No one has ever managed to tell me why SAH matters (makes a difference) in most cases.

I see SAH and WOH as two forms of motherhood each equally capable of being good moms. WOHM's, however, are wage earners in addition to being moms. They benefit their families through the income they earn in addition to what they do as moms. There is an extra component to being a WM that has real benefit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 10:01pm
Then what is your argument? How does SAH matter to your children? How will they turn out differently because you or any other SAHM here who cares to answer SAH instead of WOH?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Thu, 03-09-2006 - 10:03pm
But isn't today's working mom just a different version of yesterday's SAHM when you look at the amount of work she had on her plate?

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