Roles of the parent.
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Roles of the parent.
| Tue, 03-07-2006 - 3:29am |
I think in the old days men use to tell women the what to do, or what not to do. Today we let other women tell us what is right for us. I have never seen two situations that are the same in any relationship. The roles are changing as we type right now. Women use to think it was worth it to spend as much time at home with their children as time would give them. However, that is not the case today. It is all very sad if you ask me because you have some men that are saying "I will stay home for the kids", and at the same time the women opt not too.I have three girls, the oldest is 8 and the youngest is 3 months , each child has a four yr space. Some parents need duel incomes. I think as children get older it is okay to get work outside the house, but as they are growing and learning new things I would like to see that for myself if I can. I have another year of college and then I will have to work, and I am not looking forward to it. The idea of being away from my children is scary to me. I find it hard to even let them go outside and play. However, I am getting better with it. Both my parents worked, and I recalled how much I wanted to be with my mom. I would have been happy just to go to Walmarts with her, but she never really had the time. It is not a matter of what is right or wrong, but what is the need of the family? Can a family make it on one check? That depends on the location, the home, car, and the life style that the parents want to have. Some could say if you want to be safe, you both have to pay because safe comes with a high price tag. Others could say different. The truth is stay at home moms are on the downfall due to the different types of families today. Is it bad or good, I do not know. However, I can tell you it is life.

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I'd agree that the classroom is set up for socioeconomically advantaged children- but again- what does race have to do with anything? If we're comparing a middle class suburban white student to a middle class suburban black/hispanic/whatever student, what is the difference?
Wytchy
I agree- but then, that isn't at ALL what I was saying.
Wytchy
***Does my not feeling a personal sense of accomplishment for what my children accomplish take something away from THEIR accomplishment?***
No- I don't feel that it does. At all. Your children did not grow into well rounded responsible young people by themselves without any help. YOU played a part in that and guess what? You should be PROUD of that part- which means that you've accomplished what is hopefully your goal- helping to raise good people.
I'm not talking here of feeling like you've vicariously achieved the Miss SmallTownUSA title when it's them holding the award, I'm not talking about feeling like *you* got the A when they're the one who took the test- I'm talking about being proud of and feeling a sense of accomplishment regarding the role that -you- play in your childrens lives. That is YOUR accomplishment. Being a good parent IS an accomplishment. It's certainly not a given unfortunately.
Wytchy
Yes it is but that's just meant as a display of humility. That doesn't mean that the accomplishment belongs to them.
I've never understood why a simple "Thank you for this honor" isn't good enough. Everyone seems to want a piece of the action and a pat on the back even though they are not the ones who earned the honor.
"No- I don't feel that it does. At all. Your children did not grow into well rounded responsible young people by themselves without any help. YOU played a part in that "
So if I die today, my children won't grow up to be well rounded responsible people because that's MY accomplishment? I don't think so. It's their accomplishment and if they don't get it one way, they'll get it another. They don't need any particular person to get there including me so it's not my accomplishment. It's theirs.
My accomplishments are the things that *I* have done not what they do with what I offer them. That's entirely theirs.
***i dont know if it prepares them for the real world, but it does give them a place to learn new and different ways of looking at things.***
Sure it does- just as does an effective homeschooling environment. I'd say that such is the norm among homeschoolers who do so based on philosophical rather than religious reasons (keeping their children away from 'bad influence'), in fact.
***adn while the kids in my daughters classes are the same age, in that they are teens, that age varies from 15-18***
Really? Your DD's school mixes freshman, sophomores, juniors and seniors all together? That's interesting- I've never heard of a traditional school doing that. (Maybe private schools do- but I guess I should say I've never heard of a public school doing it...) Regardless- teens are teens. They're still essentially peers. There's little diversity in age there.
Again- I don't see how putting a bunch of essentially the same-age peers into a room for 7-8hrs a day and teaching in a classroom setting from behind a desk is anything that one can claim prepares one for the *real world*. If one wants to prepare for the real world, IMO one would do well to obtain experience *with* said 'real world'. And IMO that can't be had in a classroom behind a desk with primarily only ones peers for company.
Wytchy
Wow- that was.... insightful.
Wytchy
Because the credit is given to others and not them when they are the ones to actually did the accomplishing.
When my daughter shows her artwork, no one congratulates me. They congratulate HER. After all, it's her art. Me, I pat myself on the back when I find the perfect media for her to explore. I love going shopping and trying to guess what type of media she might like. She, however, picks what she likes and runs with it. If I weren't here to get that stuff for her, she'd just find something else. What I do doesn't determine if she is successful. She does.
I can just see her saying "And I thank my mom for buying me charcoals when I was 8 because I wouldn't be able to draw a line today without her". LOL. No, she just would have learned to draw with what she had available. Might have been sidewalk chalk but she would have done it with or without me. If she can suceeed with or without me, then how can it be my accomplishment?
One question though. If her success with her art is my accomplishment what if she fails or quits? Is it my failure? You do realize that our kids are not good at far more things than they are really good at. What abou that? Did we fail to accomplish there? After all, had they succeeded it would have been our accomplishment. If we take credit for their successes, shouldn't we also take credit for their the things they are only mediocre at? After all, their accomplishments depend on us, right?
So if I practice with my daughter for the spelling bee and she misses the first word, it's my fault? If it would be my accomplishment if she won wouldn't it be my fault if she lost?
Edited 3/10/2006 1:52 pm ET by kbmammm
***..i'm not saying that the only wealth of reality and diversity is found in public schools, but i do think public school is more *real* than intimate and less diverse private schools and homeschool.***
How so? How is spending the majority of ones day in a room with primarily only their peers behind a desk preparing one for the real world more than, say, experiencing said 'real world' first hand (rather than from behind a desk)? How is doing a lesson and taking a test on Gettysburg more "real" than actually going *TO* Gettysburg and doing a lesson where the family actually visits the area, touches a cannon, and acts out parts of the storyline- maybe making or renting period costumes etc.? How is doing a lesson on health more "real" than job shadowing a nurse or other health professional and learning about the profession? How is reading a lesson on poverty and its effects on society more *real* than volunteering at a shelter, food bank or soup kitchen and serving the homeless/poverty stricken and *seeing* what life is like for them?
I just don't understand why you feel this way and would appreciate some clarification and insight if you would...
Wytchy
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