Roles of the parent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Roles of the parent.
1094
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 3:29am
I think in the old days men use to tell women the what to do, or what not to do. Today we let other women tell us what is right for us. I have never seen two situations that are the same in any relationship. The roles are changing as we type right now. Women use to think it was worth it to spend as much time at home with their children as time would give them. However, that is not the case today. It is all very sad if you ask me because you have some men that are saying "I will stay home for the kids", and at the same time the women opt not too.I have three girls, the oldest is 8 and the youngest is 3 months , each child has a four yr space. Some parents need duel incomes. I think as children get older it is okay to get work outside the house, but as they are growing and learning new things I would like to see that for myself if I can. I have another year of college and then I will have to work, and I am not looking forward to it. The idea of being away from my children is scary to me. I find it hard to even let them go outside and play. However, I am getting better with it. Both my parents worked, and I recalled how much I wanted to be with my mom. I would have been happy just to go to Walmarts with her, but she never really had the time. It is not a matter of what is right or wrong, but what is the need of the family? Can a family make it on one check? That depends on the location, the home, car, and the life style that the parents want to have. Some could say if you want to be safe, you both have to pay because safe comes with a high price tag. Others could say different. The truth is stay at home moms are on the downfall due to the different types of families today. Is it bad or good, I do not know. However, I can tell you it is life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 1:54pm
So what are you saying when you say teaching the same subject on 6 different levels is like teaching only one?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:00pm

It's a difference because race still matters even with in a socioeconomic group. Our entire society is set up to the advantage of white men. Particularly white men who come from family's with some money. Being black or hispanic in such a society is not the same even if you have the same amount of money.

I can't really explain this well because I'm white myself but I'm aware that it exists even if it's subtle. Kids often live up, or down, to expectations. If you are black and all your teachers are white, what does that say to you? I'm not sure but I can imagine if all my teachers had always been men, I might have come away from that experience thinking that education is for men. Or that men do better with education than women.

I know this much. Racism is alive and well in the United States and people are hurt by it. Opportunties are determined by it. Doors are opened or closed by it. Tests are written with racial bias. Teachers teach with racial bias. Children treat each other differently because of race. Adults treat each other differenly because of race. It has an impact. I can't say what because I'm not on the recieving end but I know that certain ethnic groups repeatedly score lower than others. Since there is no biological reason for this, there must he a societal one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:01pm
I think they're both fitting a mold. One is the view of the public school system and the other is the view of your parents. A mold is a mold even if it's a different mold.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:02pm

***It affects the childrens' standard of living if they have to work of lot of hours while they're in college, or they graduate with a large debt burden, doesn't it?***

Only if the children are living at home and commuting (as far as parents working long hours when the kids are in college) otherwise they wouldn't even *notice* since they'd be *in college*. As for graduating with a large debt- are you advocating that parents should strive to pay 100% (or a majority) of the costs of a child's college education? Many families do not do that regardless of whether they can or not, whether both parents WOH or not.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:04pm
No, I'm sorry, I see now that my post was unclear.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:05pm
ITA. The flipside of patting ourselves on the back for things they accomplish is flagellating ourselves for things that they don't. Which is I think the source of a lot of performance pressure that kids feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:05pm
Yes they will but the important thing is they are not falling behind. If they learn what they need to learn in 20 minutes instead of 40 they've still learned what they need to learn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:05pm

Yes- it *is* life. But it still isn't a very good assessment tool if one wants an accurate assessment.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:05pm

That is our plan. I do not want my kids to work while in college (just the summers is they are not doing anything) and I would like to pay for as much as their college as possible. It would be great if they could start out in their adult life with as little debt as possible.

Curious...why would parents not want to strive for this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:08pm

I think the discussion has focused too much on children's accomplishments. I didn't mean to refer to them at all. Some children don't accomplish much relative to others. I'm thinking about the question of whether as parents there can be any source of a sense of accomplishment connected with being parents. Strictly apart from what our kids actually do or don't achieve. Some posters have suggested we can get a sense of accomplishment in doing our best to nurture them day by day. Others say no, because that's just doing our jobs. But imo there's achievement in just doing our jobs sometimes.

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I did not say, or did not mean to say, that our kids' successes are our accomplishments. That's not what I meant at all. I'm referring to just the fact of our kids coming up in the normal, healthy, regular way due in part to our efforts.

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