Roles of the parent.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Roles of the parent.
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Tue, 03-07-2006 - 3:29am
I think in the old days men use to tell women the what to do, or what not to do. Today we let other women tell us what is right for us. I have never seen two situations that are the same in any relationship. The roles are changing as we type right now. Women use to think it was worth it to spend as much time at home with their children as time would give them. However, that is not the case today. It is all very sad if you ask me because you have some men that are saying "I will stay home for the kids", and at the same time the women opt not too.I have three girls, the oldest is 8 and the youngest is 3 months , each child has a four yr space. Some parents need duel incomes. I think as children get older it is okay to get work outside the house, but as they are growing and learning new things I would like to see that for myself if I can. I have another year of college and then I will have to work, and I am not looking forward to it. The idea of being away from my children is scary to me. I find it hard to even let them go outside and play. However, I am getting better with it. Both my parents worked, and I recalled how much I wanted to be with my mom. I would have been happy just to go to Walmarts with her, but she never really had the time. It is not a matter of what is right or wrong, but what is the need of the family? Can a family make it on one check? That depends on the location, the home, car, and the life style that the parents want to have. Some could say if you want to be safe, you both have to pay because safe comes with a high price tag. Others could say different. The truth is stay at home moms are on the downfall due to the different types of families today. Is it bad or good, I do not know. However, I can tell you it is life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:08pm
Could someone of color please help me out here. I know racism is alive and well and matters in our schools but I just can't say how it manifests itself. I know that children of different ethnic groups repeatedly score lower than kids in others but I can't say why. I know it's not biology so my guess is it's something about our education system. I just don't know how this plays out to result in what it does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:13pm
I am not of color but I know what goes in in my city. The reason that schools that are primarily made up of minorities scoring low on standardized tests has everything to do with racism. These schools tend to be in poorer neighborhoods and the educational system in our area just doesn't give a cr*p. These schools have poor funding and not as many programs as the more "affluent, white" schools. It is wrong but unless the politicians see a profitable reason to change they will not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:16pm

Where is that jumping up and down in excited agreement icon when you need it?

"Which is I think the source of a lot of performance pressure that kids feel."

It hurts our kids when they think that their accomlishments are ours because they think they are letting us down if they don't perform!"

My daughter loves to draw. If she never sells a drawing in her life or wins an award in her life that is fine by me. If she wants to compete, I'll let her but I don't want her thinking she owes it to me to compete and win. I don't want her to think she's let me down if she doesn't win.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:16pm

***So if I die today, my children won't grow up to be well rounded responsible people because that's MY accomplishment?***

Are you an active, involved parent? Then yes- that's one of your accomplishments. If you die or are otherwise taken out of the picture, obviously someone else or numerous someone else's will step in to hopefully do what you've been doing and then it becomes *their* accomplishment as well.

***I don't think so. It's their accomplishment and if they don't get it one way, they'll get it another.***

Not necessarily. They may get it- they may not.

***My accomplishments are the things that *I* have done not what they do with what I offer them. That's entirely theirs.***

What they do with it *is* theirs. What you offer them is *yours*. Unless you're saying you aren't offering them anything- in which case that's a wholly different discussion.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:17pm

Um, didn't I say most of the time and not all of the time? Didn't I say elsewhere that because it matters most of the time does not mean it matters all of the time?

In situations where it doesn't matter, WOH becomes neutral like SAH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:18pm

Post number or cut/paste will be just fine.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:21pm
Ehhh, depends on the University. I went to a 4-year university and never had more than 30 kids in a class. Most were 15 or so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:21pm

if that's how you both are translating parents who accept pats on the back, then i can understand why kbmamm connected it with the word arrogance once. and that is so far from accurate here. i vision my child a successor in whatever she/he choses to do. i hope to always see the joy, the beam in her just like when she aces a spelling test, an art project now as down the road when she/he selects her college, marries etc.......and if my parenting role is commended for my child's successes, the manner in which i accept a thank you is projecting just as much pride in her than if i deny it and only turn the attention to her.

i think as mothers especially, we must *always* show and instill an optimism which comes in the form of accomplishments.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:23pm

Personally I think that at least part of the reason why racism *is* alive and well is because people keep saying that everything is geared toward white men. Think of it this way- if I say to you "Don't think about a pink elephant". What's the first thing that pops into your head? If people just take people for who they are rather than what their "adjectives" might be (race, religion, gender, etc.) then IMO racism ceases to exist. But when all one hears is "Oh- poor minorities- life is geared toward the majority" it sort of self-perpetuates in that people only hear "minority" and zero in on *that* rather than what's really important. Does that make any sense? I'm not saying we should ignore the issue- but I *do* think that by focusing on the negative we do in effect only serve to *continue* the problem and keep the cycle going.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Fri, 03-10-2006 - 2:23pm

"***So if I die today, my children won't grow up to be well rounded responsible people because that's MY accomplishment?***

Are you an active, involved parent? Then yes- that's one of your accomplishments."

What is my accomplishment? Being an active involved parent or how my children turn out? Being an active involved parent is my accomplishment. How my kids turn out is theirs.

"***I don't think so. It's their accomplishment and if they don't get it one way, they'll get it another.***

Not necessarily. They may get it- they may not."

And they may not get it if it's handed to them on a silver platter. Something they are predisposed to they will get elsewhere barring extremes. In all discussion here, I am assuming that child rearing is reasonable. You really have to get into the extremes before what we do impacts our children's accomplishement much.

If I were not here to buy my daughter art supplies, she would not stop drawing. She'd find something else. As long as no one berrates her for drawing or forbids her to do it, she's probably going to draw. She once drew on her fathers car with a rock, lol. When a child is predisposed to something, they will do it.

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