SAH burnout?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2007
SAH burnout?
9
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 11:24am

Since the birth of our son 3 years ago I've been staying home FT. The transition for me from working 50+ hours a week to none was hard, but it was a decision that SO and I both agreed upon was the best choice at the time.

Up until about 8 months ago I was happy with the decision and enjoyed spending quality time with our son during the day and also our daughter who at that time was 6 months old. Slowly though I felt my patience running out being at home with our two children almost 24/7. SO is good about trying to give me breaks to get out of the house a few hours here and there and I was even able to take a short weekend trip away for the first time in 3 years not long ago. I was hoping this was something that would help me get out of my doldrums, but it hasn't seemed to work.

I enjoy being around my kids and feel fortunate that I'm in a position to do so... I know not all parents are able to so I feel a bit guilty complaining about the stress involved in being the primary-caregiver to two young children. I'm beginning to wonder though if it isn't time for me to think about going back to work and looking for some kind of daycare for our children. In this area, with two children daycare would not be cheap and add the cost of commuting and eating out for lunch and my pay wouldn't give us much more than the extra we would be spending. So it is hard justifying me going back to work on purely economic reasons. Not to mention the housework and grocery shopping I'm able to take care of while at home that gives our family a bit of free time at night and weekends.

My biggest fear is that I'll regret going back to work and will miss my children horribly. I guess that is something that everyone has to get used to eventually.

There's more I'd like to say on the subject but I'll leave it at that for now.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 11:29am

Why don't you consider working from home? I felt the same way! I was so bored I started a Shakespeare Company! :-)


Then I fell into working from home and loved it. It gave me something to do that I was passionate about. I loved setting and achieving goals, and earning trips was a nice thing to contribute as well.


There are a ton of options out there! Just follow your heart. If you decide that working from home isn't for you, you can always go back later.


Best of luck!


Debbie

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~ ~ Follow your passion!:&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2007
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 12:23pm

Thank you for the kind reply Debbie.

Actually I'll be taking some courses through the local comm. college online this fall. It will give me some "me" time, but I know that it will be limited considering that they will be online and I will probably be doing most of the work involved after the kids are in bed.

A WAH position does sound interesting though...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 2:13pm

hey there

I think that you have to do what you feel is right for you....maybe you could carpool and pack your lunch from home to save on money. I do know how you feel,I'm a SAHM of two little ones under the age of two.....somedays are better than others,and there are times that you get in a rut. Just make sure you really think about what is going to be best for your family in the long run...I hope things get better for you :)

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 3:30pm
I was starting to get similar feelings to it appears to you are having after being a SAHM fro about 4 years (I at the time had a 4 year old and a 2 year old). I started volunteering 4-12 hour a week. I found it was a good break from my kids. I got to hang around with "grown-up". It was not so time consuming that it infringed on my chore time (my usual shift was Tues and Thurs from 10-2). Plus less restrictive then a paid job (You signed up from week to week what hours you would work the following week).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 3:32pm

Taking classes sounds very fun!


If you want to work from home, there are two great Ivillage message boards:


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-ppwahm

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~ ~ Follow your passion!:&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 5:37pm

"My biggest fear is that I'll regret going back to work and will miss my children horribly. I guess that is something that everyone has to get used to eventually."

Your children will be there when you get home.
But only you and your family can weigh the pros and cons and choose what is best for your situation. Good luck with your decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2007
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 6:22pm

Thanks again everyone for the kind replies.

Texigan- You have inspired me to look up some volunteer opportunities. I'm going to email our local Habitat for Humanity and talk to them. That would use the skills I already have and like you said - give me the chance to be around grown ups more.

Thanks for the links Debbie... I'll def. look into them as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
In reply to: unsure_now
Sun, 07-22-2007 - 6:47pm

Well, I WOHFT, and I never really "transitioned", as I went back to work after my 3 month maternity leave.


As far as the guilt goes...I never really felt guilty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2007
In reply to: unsure_now
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 10:33pm

I always worked and there were times I would sit at my desk and just dream about being a stay home mother. When I was pregnant with my 2yo son, my doctor took me off on early leave because I had a complicated pregancy. The entire time, I'd imagine my baby and me doing all these wonderful activities together ... you know all the things that celebrities and other stay home moms did. What fun it would be to join mommie-and-me classes, go to the zoo and park, read, etc. Oh boy was I in fantasy world. My baby was a sick baby and my son's dad made life a living hell for me, so I felt like I was in an enclosed dark cave. After being home with the baby for more than 3 months, I went back to school part-time while the baby went to daycare part-time. Even with going to back to school, I felt like my life was closing in on me, so I went back to work a month early.

I was so happy to be back at work. It's hard some days because my baby is considered a sick baby, although he is doing a lot better. I only wish I could stay home when he is not doing well, but I have no regrets going back to work. For me, I think it was a healthy decision for both of us to be separated for a few hours. Because I pick my baby up, I love to him him say "mommie."

I still have those days I dream about staying home, but after taking off work for more than 3 days, I am so ready to go back. I wish I could have it both ways but I don't have that option right now.

To cut my story short, as one of the other members stated, maybe you can find part-time work that will get you out of the house for a few hours. Possibly work a few hours at a daycare center where you can get a discount for the babies and still have some interaction with them. If you're financially able, hire a nanny and volunteer a few hours a day at your local community center or church. This will also allow you to interact with adults for a few hours while taking a short break from the hustle bustle of kids and house work. Once you're done, you will feel rejuvenated and able to freely interact with your kids without tension and stress.

In conclusion, it's a personal choice whether to stay home or work. My opinion, both options are great and there is no wrong way. It's a personal preference that also needs to be discussed and agreed upon by both spouses/parties.

Good luck and I know you will make the right decision that is best for the family and yourself.