SAH doesn't support change,
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SAH doesn't support change,
| Sat, 08-26-2006 - 4:58pm |
"SAH doesn't support change, it supports going backwards to the 1950's,"
Statement in a post below.
I wholeheartedly disagree. To me, SAH is a choice. How is that going back to the 1950s, when a lot of women didn't have much of a choice.

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Actually there is. I would have thought the same as you had I not witnessed it myself. Both my DD1 and DD2 went through a huge degree of maturing in their senior years of high school. I don't know if it is the age or the realization that in a few months I'll be an adult but I saw it in both of them. The senior that graduated was not the same person that started that school year.
Since DD3 has always been more mature for her age then them at the same age I don't think I will see as extreme difference in her. Seh is already almost on par with them in maturity level at graduation (she started her senor year about two weeks ago).
>>If you think, or if research shows, that working women are unhappy if they make more money than their spouses, then what do you think that tells you about working women? That all of them fully get it wrt today's choices? That all of their choices are equally to be admired? I think not. There's still plenty of confusion all around.<<
i can't say for sure whether all women "get it" or not. i would think taht some do, some don't. what i got from the study (BTW i do not agree with the author's opinion, but the studies are interesting to me) is that because of an upset in roles, be it traditional or not, or somewhere in between both women AND men are unhappy with teh situation.
i had happened on an article a long time back about the lose of valuable role WRT family taht men are experiencing. until that article i had always taken teh side of teh feminist in every aspect. but the struggle now IMO doesn't just apply to women, and the choices they can or can't make for themselves, but how the new choices affect men as well.
i hope that made sense. i'm not feeling myself right now and i'm a little jumbled.
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
>>I don't see being "cutthroat and dedicated" to one's job as being inconsistent with being a good parent.<<
i don't remember stating anything remotly to that effect...what i did say is that if women had to be as cut throat/dedicated as men, then birth rates would go down....not parenting skills. reason being that in order to be really cut throat and dedicated in a career field, you have to put your job before anything else...which would slow down the amount of women who might normally have a child, take leave, come back to work, and have their heads with new babies instead of on work.
>>I relieve the nanny at the end of the day because I start the work day earlier. DH has a longer commute. We both work the same number of hours. It has nothing to do with which of us works harder.<<
you may work the same hours, but i'll garuntee you that your DH's employer would not allow him to leave early for the kids to comensate for the longer commute. he's expected to make that commute for the sake of his job. i'll bet you yuor emplyer would allow you to do it though. (within reason of course).
>>I think you don't know many couples each of whom is a full time WOH professionals.<<
i think you assume too much. i have zero SAHP's for friends. (those that are my age i should say, i know former SAHP's parents who's kids are grown and gone form teh house) any parents i have for friends, or even know as aquaintences are full time WOHP's with careers. (no burger flipping or anything like that). insurance consultants, dentists, lawyers etc. some have very small children still, some have teenaged kids. the major complaint from each and everyone is that the husband is expected to do his job as his employer dictates with no regard to what the DH wants WRT his children.
the wives however, get some choices and are allowed much more freedom in scheduling etc. all while making the same if not more money.
>>It's because women buy into the "mom at home" role more than men do.<<
are you sure about that?
You're doing fine; hope you're better soon.
Sabina
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
so you pick up because he drops off...
what would happen if your DH's hours at work changed, or he was asked to relocate, or commute much farther away? do you think your DH would refuse the changes because o fthe children? if he did, do you think his boss would allow him to stay employed, or would he be let go from teh company?
and what would happen if the same happened at your job?
The pumping room was a very social place at my job, too. All the moms with babies about the same age got to know one another well.
Maybe it was because our our workplace was supportive and the women were generally well-educated, but my experience was similiar to your. ALL the women I knew that had babies in the 5 years before my and the 3 years I was pregnant/nursing, nursed and pumped. It was very normal and accepted and encouraged - maybe a little positive peer reinforcement went along with it. I only knew one woman that quit earlier than she wanted to and it was becuase she was a gross anatomy prof and did not want to risk the formaldehyde leaking into her breastmilk. Everyone else nursed 6 months, 1 year, more.
I liked sabina's point about not all divorces being a tragedy. When there are no kids involved, I can see a young marriage being a huge learning experience even if it ends in divorce. I've heard the trend called "started marriages" and have a few friends that married their college sweethearts only to divorce in a year or two. Painful, but not tragic.
Planning for and being ready for kids is the bigger committment, IMO.
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