SAH doesn't support change,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
SAH doesn't support change,
3723
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 4:58pm

"SAH doesn't support change, it supports going backwards to the 1950's,"

Statement in a post below.

I wholeheartedly disagree. To me, SAH is a choice. How is that going back to the 1950s, when a lot of women didn't have much of a choice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:16pm

I still grew up with such a huge taboo on living together. My parents would have literally disowned me.

I can see your point for young adults. My housewarming gift would be a two-year supply of birth control pills and a huge basket of condoms, though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:18pm

"$1300 a month is poverty level in the US for a family of two."

That doesn't mean it's impossible to live off of it. My husband and I were under the poverty level for a year and a half, and we never felt poor. We always got the bills paid, had plenty to eat, clothes to wear, everything we needed.

"but then an efficency apartment will run you $1300 per month if you are lucky"

However, an apartment don't cost that much where I grew up (Goose Creek, SC) or in my mother's town (Clarksville, TN). Cost of living varies place to place. Here, I couldn't live off of $1300, but at home, I could.

"What job is "Fulltime" that matches school hours?"

No job completely matches school hours; however, you can work mostly during school hours and keep your kid from spending a huge amount of time in childcare--especially living near a young SAHM grandma who'd love to lend a hand with childcare.

"Alimony if awarded at all is usually very short lived (a year or two) and isn't dependent upon custody of the children."

And that would be quite enough time to get started, possibly finish, a degree in various fields. ;)

My grandfather owns a restaurant in downtown Clarksville, TN. I'm sure he'd be happy to employ me there and pay me well enough that I could survive. If not, I have a mother-in-law in Goose Creek, SC who runs her own company, and I'm sure she'd be happy to employ the mother of her grandchild as well should her son up and run off.

I would be able to survive. You can keep running on about poverty level, how expensive apartments are where you live, etc., but it has nothing to do with whether or not I could make ends meet. If I lived off of $600 myself, then made $1000 a month work for two, then only $2000... I'm sure I could make $1300 + alimony + child support work just fine, especially living in a town where the cost of living is low. I don't really care if you agree. I don't have to convince you that I'm prepared. I know, and that's all that matters. I feel secure and confident with my choice. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:19pm
All I say to this is that I disagree. I think this may be true for some, but not all, especially those of us who are good at managing money, planning and preparing, etc. You don't have to have a career or a degree to have a back up plan that will work. College grads aren't the only people capable of thinking things through.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:28pm

**In any event, you sound like someone who understands that SAH is at least as much about a parent's preference as something kids require for their optimal growth and development.**

Guilty as charged. It seems like a lot of SAHs feel they have to justify staying at home by explaining why it's better for children, etc. I used to do that. Not anymore. While I do feel like it IS the best for our family, I enjoy it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:31pm

Let's break this down. Let's say Corey leaves me for a blonde bombshell. Let's say I made $200 twice a month and $900 in tips running deliveries, as my husband does working 4 nights a week. Let's assume I'm living at home in Goose Creek, SC, where I can get a 3-bedroom apartment for $500 a month. Let's assume that I have Corbin and am getting child support. We'll say, I don't know, $300. Now, I'm using the amounts we spend RIGHT NOW as a family of 3 for most bills, except substituting mortgage with rent and not counting Corey's gas.

Rent - 510
Car Insurance - 100
Food - 200
Cell phone bill - 55
Cable TV - 55
Utlities - 100
Gas - 120

That leaves me $460 a month to cover clothing, incidentals, insurance, entertainment, etc.

Now, maybe that wouldn't work for your family or where you live...but you aren't me, don't live where I'd be living should my husband run off, and do not manage money the way I do. It'd be a tight budget for the 3 years before he went off to school, but after that, I'd probably start working full-time and would make more than that, especially considering I'd probably be getting alimony (plus still doing Mary Kay) which I'd probably use to get a degree to put into use eventually. ;)

Moreover, this is what he makes working 4 nights a week. If I were to work every night, if I had to do it, I'd make quite a bit more. And, considering almost ALL of Corbin's aunts, uncles, grandparents, great-grandparents live in Goose Creek, SC OR Clarksville, TN, I doubt I'd have a problem finding someone who would LOVE to watch hiim every night. My mother certainly would be thrilled, especially considering she hasn't got to spend much time with him this first year.




Edited 8/29/2006 9:47 pm ET by punkalicorn
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:33pm
Well, I was married at 18, and now I'm 21...still married, not looking at divorcing anytime soon. ;) Who knows what the future holds? But to me, marriage is for life...not "let's play house & see if it works." As long as people know that, that's what's important.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:34pm
Yeah, while nursing is best, but some people aren't handy like that and have to do it afterwards LOL. But the point is, you don't pump INSTEAD of nursing to try and increase your supply. That won't help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:35pm
I fully believe marriage is for life as well. Divorce is not something I keep in the back of my mind as a possiblity. I would rather plan for losing DH to an accident or illness. But I still think living together helps a couple decide if they want to continue being together the rest of their lives. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:38pm

Obviously if what's happening in your circle isn't what's happening to the majority of people statistically speaking, then for some reason you just happen to know a bunch of people that don't fit the norm with that specific issue.

Educated women don't produce more milk, but having knowledge about breastfeeding can help you overcome obstacles like low supply. I have met many who have had to quit because pumping decreased their supply and many who had to quit because they didn't have adequate time or facilities in which to pump at work. I don't think you hear about it everyday, but I know it is still a very real issue. We do have fewer problems compared to older generations, but the problems are still exist and are real.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 9:41pm
Right, so talking to the boss and getting a paycheck are the only ways of helping the issue. Letter writing, voting, supporting legislation, electing certain candidates, marching, protesting, boycotting, all of those old tricks, they're just useless if SAH's do them! Nothing is any good to help create a solution except getting paid and being there. I think we can prove our worth in other ways. Instead of making it like women have to work to create change, let's tell men they can be SAHDs if that's what works for their family. Let's make it so both sexes are just as likely to quit, rather than making both sexes feel as though they have to work even if they don't need or want to or feel something else is best for their family.

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