SAH doesn't support change,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
SAH doesn't support change,
3723
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 4:58pm

"SAH doesn't support change, it supports going backwards to the 1950's,"

Statement in a post below.

I wholeheartedly disagree. To me, SAH is a choice. How is that going back to the 1950s, when a lot of women didn't have much of a choice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:10pm
Thank you, ma'am! If SAHP's want to claim WOHP's are missing out on a lot, then there's also a claim to be made that dd's of SAHM's might be missing out on some valuable role modeling. Ds's, too, for that matter, in that it also affects how they might envision family life later on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:30pm

I'll never understand the what if scare tactics....my sil won't have children because "something might happen to them".

Yes her husband could leave, he could also drop dead. She could be hit by a bus tomorrow. So what. That's life.

I really don't see much difference between woh and sah if a spouse leaves or dies...it WILL impact MOST of the spouses left behind.

So you do what you can to minimize the risk.

For instance I sah, my (other) SIL works outside the home and so does her dh. If her dh left her she'd be SOL. They are in debt to the eyeballs. Hell even if he died, his life insurance policy wouldn't even pay off the mortgage.

On the other hand if my spouse left me, I could return to teaching. I could support my children by myself without a problem. If my husband died, I'd be able to stay in our home, and be able to live like we do now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:41pm

You do realize that paying for your insurance would easily eat up half of that $1300 a month you seem so proud to be able to earn?

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:49pm
"out of love." That's some job!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:05pm

Then you understand that the best way to model good behaviors, manners, an active and healthy lifestyle, studying, socialization and getting good grades, etc., is to sah with kids and model these things for them. If children don't have things modeled for them, how will they ever learn? ;)

Children understand at an early age that men and women work. If I didn't sah, but worked instead, I'd be on the Mommytrack right now. And I sure don't want my kids to think the best there is is to Mommytrack themselves before they even have children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:06pm

I dont see things in black and white either. But coming from the perspective of having years of life experience, I am hard pressed to come up with a valid reason for an 18yo to marry.

If my child wanted to marry at 18, I'd feel like I had done something wrong as a parent. As I said in another post, I would, of course, ultimately support their decision. But I'd be crushed. I want much more for my children, and hope they will want more for themselves.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:10pm

"really don't see much difference between woh and sah if a spouse leaves or dies...it WILL impact MOST of the spouses left behind.

So you do what you can to minimize the risk."

Precisely.

We have good life insurace (also covers critical illness - which is a list of serious conditions that if we are diagnosed with, we get a check right away, we dont have to die from it in order to get the money). My DH has had it since he was a kid, since his dad used to sell it with the guy we bought ours off of. I am comfortable knowing that if either one of us dies, there is good money to cover the other parent. And if the worst should happen, there is good money for my MIL to watch our children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:11pm
What is "Mommytrack"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:18pm

No you wouldnt need or get child support most likely. But you'd be responsible for half of all daycare bills, doctor bills, clothing, etc. And if you only had your child on weekends, you might even be required to pay child support to your dh. It does depend on the laws of each state, but if you live in a no-fault state, it tends to get split pretty evenly.

I do realize that all of this is hypothetical, but I think its important to be realistic and consider the *what ifs*.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 1:23pm

that is exactly what people are advocating here. A young woman with minimal work experience and no education is going to be in a much more precarious situation than a 40yo woman with a college degree and years of work experience behind her.

I dont think woh/sah matters in the immediate sense, but I think having at least a realistic plan for those *what ifs* is important.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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