SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 6:41pm
For the most part they don't matter. To my knowledge the only long term difference seen in our kids is the self esteem boost seen in dd's of WM's and their higher aspirations, which would go hand in hand with self esteem. That is one small piece when you look at the whole child and you have to remember that measureable and repeatable (significant in the statistical sense) doesn't, necessarily, mean a major difference. It just meanst there is a difference. Just because something results in a difference doesn't make it bad. Besides, it's probably correctable in this case. It just means that SHAM's need to work on their dd's self esteem and encourage education and higher aspirations. It's always good to know what the impact of our decisions is so we can compensate where needed.


Personally, I find it odd there aren't more differences. While most of us are similar regardless of working status, the lifestyles can be quite different. I find the fact research hasn't found many more differences rather astounding. That tells me that our working status, in of itself doesn't have much impact at all. Finances aside of course. Finances can make a big difference as they do in our lives. As the primary breadwinner, my family would take quite an income hit if I quit to SAH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 6:45pm
Finances aside, correct. Toss in finances and it can become a lot more than a lifestyle choice because it can be a choice that has long term impact on our kids.

According to those who study such things, I can expect my kids to turn out the same as the kids of a SAHM who has the same income dh and I have combined. However, that is not to say they'd turn out the same whether I WOH or SAH. If I SAH, I would cut our income by 2/3. Living on 1/3 of what we have now would be a totally different lifestyle. I guarantee that dd#1 wouldn't be getting much needed tutoring at Sylvan and dd#2 wouldn't be excelling at the piano because I wouldn't be able to afford tutoring or piano lessons. We also woudln't live where we do. The list goes on. My WOH has a great impact on my kids quality of life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 6:49pm
You just proved my point. Just because SAHM's don't contribute financially, in your eyes, they don't contribute at all. Nothing I can say will open your eyes to what they do contribute.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 6:52pm
Since I am the OP you are referring to, I never said that SAHM's contributed any more than WOHM's or vice versa, just that they contribute equally, but mWOHMs don't see it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 6:57pm
Thanks! I just posted the same thing to her as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 7:02pm
maybe the way of life that you see it but SAHM's don't see it that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 7:15pm

Oh yeahhhh you're right, I called it crap because it's true!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 7:27pm
Correct. When I say SAH/WOH is just a lifestyle choice, I'm talking about disregarding the financial aspects. Once you toss in finances, it can make a big difference but how big a difference is very individual.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 7:30pm
Your whole last paragraph goes against all that I know in the area around me. I know SAHM's that could make a large salary from WOHMs calling them to drive their kids around to all their activities. When I was SAHM, I drove more kids around than I can count! I would pick up my kids, see kids sitting around "Waiting for mom to get done with work so she can bring me home" - at 7:00pm. I would bring the child home, the mom would be sitting on her couch - she knew someone would take her child home so she took the opportunity to relax after her long day at work. I don't buy the dual WOHPs do all the driving - most of them around here aren't home from work on time to get the activities, much less have enough time to pick up other kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 7:31pm
Wrong. I AM that role model. I am not ALL role models. No, I'm not management material. I'm technically oriented not management oreinted. That doesn't mean I'm not a role model for my dd's, however, I want them to see all kinds of female role models, hence the female doctor, lawyer, CEO, whatever. Since when do I have to do all things at the same time to be a role model for my dd's? Why is succeeding in math and science not considered a good role model?

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