SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 10:07am
You seem to think that if you admit that you're not some sort of superwoman, then you also have to admit that your kids would be better off without you. Do you really think that's true? Do you really think the moms here would condemn you, urge you to commit suicide and kill your children, if you admitted you weren't perfect?

Would you consider the possibility that kids might be OK with a mom who occasionally admits to being human, who might not have the formula for raising math geniuses or perfectly successful, problem-free people down cold after all?

Would you consider therapy? I've been in therapy for 3 years now, and don't see myself stopping any time in the next 25 years, LOL. It might be nice for you to have someone to talk to to whom you could admit the occasional failing or misgiving. This board is really not the place for that -- all you'll get here are voices (mine included) that point our where you're wrong, which will only strengthen your need to make yourself seem superhero-ish.

If you won't do therapy, do you have any friends that you could speak to more openly than you do here? If you really are getting divorced, then things are going to get bumpy for you, and you might need a little help.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:24pm
Ah, if only divorce really were that perfect huh? I don't know of one divorce that works out great for everyone (I guess that would fall under abuse type situations though).

Someone in the dicorce scenario ends up hurting. Usually the kids and often it's everybody.

And it would indeed be nice if ex spouses would refrain from making negative comments about the other parent.....but unless we are all perfect humans, this usually doesn't happen. I speak from experience there. I refrain MOST of the time, but my ex has spit out all sorts of lies about me to our dd's and it has caused me to have to sit down and explain things to them at times. In that, it doesn't always make him sound great either....so it's really hard not to ever have negative comments. It is best to try NOT to, but this is very difficult depending on the ex you are dealing with! LOL

Hey, subs--how are you doing these days?

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:27pm
That was a very good post!

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:30pm
Another good post.....but there are many WOHM's who do both pretty well. I personally love being a SAHM even though my kids are older. I do it better this way. Working, for me, didn't allow for me to be the wife and mother I know I really am. But, again, some mom's pull this off really well. It's individual. I like what you say though...you say it so well!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:34pm

My mom was an OK SAHM, but not a great WOHM (though she seemed much HAPPIER as a WOHM).

Mondo

Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:35pm
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Hi Eileen! This is HER reality though, so who are WE to say this is far from reality? I have heard this from women too....some women really do feel this way and it's theirs to own.

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:39pm
Where is the applause icon??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:40pm
yes, BUT she tried to push HER reality onto ALL wohms as if those disastrous consequences would befall ALL of them....it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you are an unconditionally loving, responsible parent then the dire predictions are nowhere near fruition....

i wonder if it's the same percentage that wish that they had worked during their lifetimes -- for whatever reason.

eileen

Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:46pm
Very good point. I wonder too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 12:49pm

Pretty good....Dh and I are working on our issues...Its getting

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