SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:21am

This is what I don't get - "he wouldn't allow it".

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:21am

"I just don't understand how sah wives of professional men are at all similar to welfare moms."


On a very basic level, someone else is supporting them financially, be it a spouse or the general public.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:23am
But doing it all is far less than you describe in your first fiance.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 9:49am
"On a very basic level, someone else is supporting them financially, be it a spouse or the general public. That's the argument there." And what a weak one that is, considering that one is a mutual decision by the party providing the bulk of the financial consideration and the one providing the bulk of the child care, and the other, which is an obligation imposed by the government.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:02am

Well, if we go even more basic, I am being partially supported by the government since we get Social Security payments after Devin's death.


Perhaps I should call myself a single, government supported mother instead of a working mother.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:15am
Because your OP quite clearly places ALL the blame for her broken relationship with her sons on her WOH status and doesn't even hint at the idea that she "she wanted to sah but wouldn't allow it and wouldn't even allow her to cut back her hours, so she put on a happy face and tried to grin and bear it." That's all brand new information you've only just introduced. Let's review your OP carefully and then you can tell me where we were supposed to discern that 1) this woman had ALWAYS been conflicted about working and 2) that it was entirely her dh's fault and NOT her personal desire to WOH that caused the rift between her and her boys.

" She told me that although she has always been very dedicated to her work, if she could do it all over again she would have chosen to stay home with her sons."

Always been very dedicated to her work? What is it about that statement that would have led anyone to imagine she wanted to SAH?

"Her words: "All those years I felt on top of the world thinking that I had it all and that I was really making a contribution to improve my life and my family's life by working and bringing home a paycheck."

Now I ask you this. "All those years I felt on top of the world...." Oh really? But now you claim "But in the end none of that mattered because her heart wasn't in it." So make up your mind? Was she on top of the world or was her heart not in it? Can't be both.

"I found out too late that what I sacrificed was my relationship with my sons. When I was 25, nobody could have convinced me of that and now that I'm in my fifties it's pretty much come back around to kick me in the butt."

Yeah, those really sound like the words of someone who was coerced into working when she really would have preferred to stay home. Except, not. Heck, even YOUR words in this OP clearly give the implication that this woman WANTED to WOH...and that WOH and NOT the broken marriage or the issues stemming from it caused the rift in her relationship with her sons:

"Makes me wonder how many wohms will wake up 20 yrs. from now with the same realization my supervisor shared with me. It's food for thought anyway."

Now.....how is it food for thought, if now you claim you agree with me and the fact that WOHMs can EASILY foster strong, secure, loving and lasting relationships with their children? Your OP is CLEARLY stating that it is WOH and ONLY WOH that caused the rift in her relationship. Not the broken marriage. Not some lame and very late claim that the DH forced her to work against her will.

Pick a story and get back to us when you're sure you know what it is you're trying to say and the point you're really trying to make.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:52am
Now, wait a minute. YOu say you're a nurse AND you say this guy expected you to LIVE on 1 hour's sleep every day?...and you had to do ANY soul searching? You actually THOUGHT about doing this??? YOu didn't burst into laughter at the complete and utter absurdity of what he was allegedly demanding of you?

I don't care HOW old you claim to have been at the time. I'm 43, I've NEVER married and I haven't even had sex for nearly 10 years and I would have NO problems walking away from that "offer." Old maid, my @ss....that's why God invented C-cell batteries, for crying out loud. So you can deposit such "gentlemen" on the curb right where they belong.

How on earth did you ever get a nurses license if you thought for more than a nanosecond you could work fulltime, care for your children, homeschool and all on one hour's sleep?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:16am
No, there is absolutely no "reasonable" person who could make the argument that a graduate of college and law school who contributed substantially to the down payment of the construction of the family dream home, paid all rent for a nice apt for yrs before and while that house was being built could ever possibly make the argument that I am on par with a welfare recipient...except for women like you who for some reason hate women like me. I don't think I will ever understand you.

I feel for those who depend on the gov. and they have always been more than welcome to my money. I am certainly welcome to DH's income and he has never begrudged me a cent. Unlike some, he understands the value of being home full time to raise children. I respect your choice and agree with you that you are wholly incapable of being with your children all day. That's fine, you can't hack it and you admit it.

But if all goes as planned, I will never work again. I'm neither proud of that nor ashamed. My first choice will never, ever be to return to work, as much as I thoroughly enjoyed my job. I am by far a loner on this point as it is also the aspiration of every retiree.

I think there's so much under the surface that you have on occasion let slip here on your tirades that you cannot with a straight face say you are a "reasonable" person when it comes to this issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:19am
Mokojim, for future reference on this board, please don't volunteer words comparing sahms to welfare moms and things like eating bon bons all day on the couch. It just fuels her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 11:22am

There IS a huge difference between being dependent on government dollars vs being dependent on a spouse's dollars.

Mondo

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