SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:03pm
No, it is not anywhere close to the same - not even at its lowest common demoninator. A couple who conjointly decides to have one partner SAH - whether there are children or not, have an interdependent relationship. So, if the woman SAH and cares for the children, oversees household tasks (whether or not she actually completes the tasks is irrelevent), etc etc - has her role in the relationship and in that particular couple's arrangement. The man, in this case, provides the financial contribution necessary for that function of their arrangement. They are dependent upon each other - which BTW is inherent in a healthy marriage. The woman on welfare is dependent upon government assistance - gov't assistance is not dependent upon her - that is not an inter dependent relationship - see the difference? There is truly no comparison and to compare a welfare woman to a SAHW is insulting and ludicrous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 2:11pm

I can agree the 2 situation don't compare. But I think it's equally ludicrous to say SAH does not depend on one's mate's ability and willingness to do the providing.

Mondo

Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:16pm
Hey hey hey....you'd be surprised at one some of us have to soul search about. When you are caught up in a relationship and you care for someone, you can get to a point where you have to really step out and look in in order to SEE what a mistake you're about to make. I can totally see how this happened to her. It happens to lots of us!

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:22pm
That's exactly right! I have a dear friend who became a widow 13 years ago when their DD was just a baby. Because of her DH's insurance policy AND social security, she has only had to work part time since so she can raise her DD and not work full time. She has had people slam her for that and it makes her feel bad, but the bigger picture is she is doing what she wants to do thanks to her DH, IMO.

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:32pm
You know what? I think we are all co-dependent in some ways. Some people are severely codependent and it shows in their choices of people. I know I'm codependent in some ways with DH. But, I could make it on my own if I had to. I wouldn't make much but I could do it, as I've done it before. I really don't think being a little codependent is all that bad.

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:37pm
Yep, I felt just as you did. I was tired after working all day. I don't do both well. There are WM who do it well though. My own mom was just such a person. She could run circles around me even when she was in her early 60's. I really think it depends on who you are. If WM can balance both and feel happy about it, then that's great. For me, it just didn't work well and I felt lousy doing both. I think I was a better worker than mom and I had to really think about that. I wanted it to be different but I couldn't at that time. Now I can and even though my kids are older, I'm still glad I can be home. It just suits me better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:38pm
I didn't say I was the one making the argument, or that I believed it.

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Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:39pm
I agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:08pm
I said I was never married; I never said I was never in a relationship or never truly cared for someone else. BTDT, STILL would have kicked to the curb ANYONE who tried to suggest I was responsible for living on 1 hour of sleep per day, working in 1 outfit forever, and not in control of the proceeds of my own paycheck besides.

Until today, I thought I was the queen of denial and excuse-making, but heck I'm just a rank amateur if this chick's "soul searching" is something that even ONE person can understand and rationalize.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 4:16pm
I doubt I'm the only ONE who can rationalize and understand her story.....and like I said, you'd be surprised at what we can get ourselves into at certain times in our lives. It happens!

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