Yet, again, that's NOT the fault of working; if it was ALL working mothers would have broken relationships with their kids. It's far more the fault of parenting in a way which is not natural to the parent. Now whether you do it because you had to, or because, as in the newly revised case of the OP, because of an evil, mean, dictator ex-dh forcing the wife at gunpoint to work FT, it's STILL not the fault of WOH.
Although it's probably a LOT more pleasant to place the blame with WOH than with the parents, where it belongs.
Do you know any married couples who do NOT depend on each other? Complete independence isn't even remotely desirable in married couples, IMO.
It's equally ludicrous not to recognize that having a SAHP depends completely on someone's willingness to provide childcare for virtually all of the other's WOH hours, of course. It's not a one-way street.
I have never ever once stated or believed that my experience is or could be considered universal. I believe 6 years out of my life is nothing. That is my belief. I also believe that 11 years would be next to nothing, but that's me. As I said, I was able to keep up with my profession. When I went back to work, it was like getting a HUGE raise because of COL increases and my experience counted. To each her own. I am simply saying that I understand how a mother can years later regret working so hard because I did it.
I never said that you did believe that...it just irks me when a sahm says that they sah to be the "primary caregiver" because even as a FT mom, i've ALWAYS been the "primary caregiver", KWIM?
as for 11 years out being next to nothing??? HARDLY. My salary would be half of what it is now, i wouldn't be able to afford/qualify for buying MY home, let alone ANY other home in the nearby area AND i wouldn't be able to afford quality childcare.
you can't just drop out of teaching for 11 years and even EXPECT to get back in at the level you would have been if you had stayed in....certainly, your situation isn't, in fact, the norm at all. Most women that sah take a fairly huge hit monetarily when they reenter the workforce.
What is it that sahms contribute? Well, how about they are there for their children? How about they make the necessary adjustments to stay home for their kids? How about they stay home with their children when they are sick instead of dropping them off at a grandparents house or sending them to school or daycare hoping they won't get a call at work.
Let's see what else.... oh yeah, parenting their children, disciplining their children, teaching them how to be responsible for themselves.
How about selfish sahm reasons like never getting that time back again? I have a 4 yr old a 3 yr old and a 20 month old and I am home with them all day everyday and I cannot for a minute imagine missing that time with them. I can't imagine how a mom wouldn't WANT to spend those years with her children.
I live in a development and my kids are friends with children who go to daycare and children who have sahms. The parents who have wohms miss out on so many things that they could be doing with their moms. I feel bad for them. They get home around 5:30 or 6 at night and that's all the time they have with their mother. Meanwhile, I have been with my children all day, making breakfast, going to the park, reading, cleaning, riding bikes, going on field trips.
As far as contributing to GNP???!!! Are you for real? Is that more important to you than raising your kids? What about the husbands salary? You mean you couldn't survive on your husbands salary for a few years to care for your children?
I take some offense to this because I sah to be the primary caregiver. How can you as a mom who works outside of the home full time call yourself that? What, you mean if your child is sick your dcp calls you and tells you? Well, sahms know when their children are sick and are home with them anyway.
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Well, know what? You just can't "drop" out of parenting and expect to get that time back to give to your kids.
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What's more important your children or the monetary "hit" you would take re-entering the workforce? Actually, 2 of my aunts stayed home with their children after earning masters degrees and returned to the workforce when their kids were in their late teens and both of them now make 6-figure salaries.
Surely you know that as a teacher, i will be NOWHERE close to a 6-figure salary....okay, maybe with 10 more years i might approach 75K, LOL!
As for the rest....what a bunch of NON-SENSE.
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personally, i don't give a hoot if you're offended, LOL. The FACT is that i am HERE for MY children 128/168 HOURS per week for the 40 WEEKS per year that i work and 168 HOURS per week (just like you!) for the other 12 WEEKS per year that i don't work. In FACT, on the days that i work, i'm home by 4 PM -- and i ONLY work 181 DAYS per year.
Additionally, as PRIMARY CAREGIVER, I do everything that every other mother does -- and all those things that go FAR, FAR beyond changing diapers, feeding bottles or supervising a playdate.
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actually, if they got sick at dc, you bet i expected the provider to call. it would be pretty irresponsible of her if she didn't. However, mine are all now in school, so yes, if they get sick during the day the nurse will call me -- well actually she'll call their dad because he works much closer to their schools than i do.
Of course, many times kids get sick before going to school or the night before or right after they get home. then, of course, there's no need for the provider or nurse to call me -- in fact, that's when i call THEM and tell them that the child won't be in tomorrow. It's amazing how that works, isn't it??
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LOL. okay, babe. i get 15 sick days per year and am home with them too when I need to be. Oh, and i've done several extended hospital stays with my middle dd.
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WHAT time do i need to get back???? while i was at work, the kids had fun playing at dc. Now while i'm at work, they're in school. I can't imagine how i've EVER "dropped" out of Parenting -- BLECH! is THAT what you equate WOHMs with???? I've had PLENTY of time with my kids -- and they are as attached and bonded to me as yours are to you. AND at almost 13, 10.5 and 8.5 the proof of that is easy to see.
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depends which way you approach the problem? My kids will always be "more" important to me -- that just deserves a big, fat DUH! HOWEVER, there is PLENTY of time and lots of ways to keep them important AND hold a job.
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see above. NOBODY makes that in teaching. AND honestly, given hindsight, i am SO, so glad that i've continued working. I'm going through a divorce and am qualifying for a mortgage on MY house in MY name on MY salary ONLY. THAT would NEVER have been possible if i had sah for 11 years and come in at a first year teacher's salary (plus making up the requisite college course work to get caught up) of $35,000. MY continued working means that "I" can support MY family -- even though i will still need alimony and child support to close the gaps.
Your two aunts are a rarity. I would bet that most women who reenter the workforce don't earn 6-figure salaries. My mom sah for 12 years. When she became a woh my first year teacher salary was MORE than she was making at her job for 10 years. My best friend sah for 7 years. right now she was able to find a job making about 30K. Would she rather have woh and not sah with her dd? No, but she is a realist about the financial realities of her situation. AND, of course, she doesn't in any way judge me because i continued to woh. and she knows that we are both "primary caregivers" and GREAT parents.
I'm so sorry for that huge, huge chip on your shoulder that you have about wohms. I'm offended that you would deem me "less" of a MOTHER for having continued to woh. WHY? because NOTHING could be further from the truth.
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Although it's probably a LOT more pleasant to place the blame with WOH than with the parents, where it belongs.
Karen
"A pocketknife is like a melody;sharp in some places,
eileen
It's equally ludicrous not to recognize that having a SAHP depends completely on someone's willingness to provide childcare for virtually all of the other's WOH hours, of course. It's not a one-way street.
as for 11 years out being next to nothing??? HARDLY. My salary would be half of what it is now, i wouldn't be able to afford/qualify for buying MY home, let alone ANY other home in the nearby area AND i wouldn't be able to afford quality childcare.
you can't just drop out of teaching for 11 years and even EXPECT to get back in at the level you would have been if you had stayed in....certainly, your situation isn't, in fact, the norm at all. Most women that sah take a fairly huge hit monetarily when they reenter the workforce.
eileen
:o)
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
Love ya, PNJ!
Let's see what else.... oh yeah, parenting their children, disciplining their children, teaching them how to be responsible for themselves.
How about selfish sahm reasons like never getting that time back again? I have a 4 yr old a 3 yr old and a 20 month old and I am home with them all day everyday and I cannot for a minute imagine missing that time with them. I can't imagine how a mom wouldn't WANT to spend those years with her children.
I live in a development and my kids are friends with children who go to daycare and children who have sahms. The parents who have wohms miss out on so many things that they could be doing with their moms. I feel bad for them. They get home around 5:30 or 6 at night and that's all the time they have with their mother. Meanwhile, I have been with my children all day, making breakfast, going to the park, reading, cleaning, riding bikes, going on field trips.
As far as contributing to GNP???!!! Are you for real? Is that more important to you than raising your kids? What about the husbands salary? You mean you couldn't survive on your husbands salary for a few years to care for your children?
I take some offense to this because I sah to be the primary caregiver. How can you as a mom who works outside of the home full time call yourself that? What, you mean if your child is sick your dcp calls you and tells you? Well, sahms know when their children are sick and are home with them anyway.
<>
Well, know what? You just can't "drop" out of parenting and expect to get that time back to give to your kids.
<>
What's more important your children or the monetary "hit" you would take re-entering the workforce? Actually, 2 of my aunts stayed home with their children after earning masters degrees and returned to the workforce when their kids were in their late teens and both of them now make 6-figure salaries.
As for the rest....what a bunch of NON-SENSE.
<>
personally, i don't give a hoot if you're offended, LOL. The FACT is that i am HERE for MY children 128/168 HOURS per week for the 40 WEEKS per year that i work and 168 HOURS per week (just like you!) for the other 12 WEEKS per year that i don't work. In FACT, on the days that i work, i'm home by 4 PM -- and i ONLY work 181 DAYS per year.
Additionally, as PRIMARY CAREGIVER, I do everything that every other mother does -- and all those things that go FAR, FAR beyond changing diapers, feeding bottles or supervising a playdate.
<>
actually, if they got sick at dc, you bet i expected the provider to call. it would be pretty irresponsible of her if she didn't. However, mine are all now in school, so yes, if they get sick during the day the nurse will call me -- well actually she'll call their dad because he works much closer to their schools than i do.
Of course, many times kids get sick before going to school or the night before or right after they get home. then, of course, there's no need for the provider or nurse to call me -- in fact, that's when i call THEM and tell them that the child won't be in tomorrow. It's amazing how that works, isn't it??
<>
LOL. okay, babe. i get 15 sick days per year and am home with them too when I need to be. Oh, and i've done several extended hospital stays with my middle dd.
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WHAT time do i need to get back???? while i was at work, the kids had fun playing at dc. Now while i'm at work, they're in school. I can't imagine how i've EVER "dropped" out of Parenting -- BLECH! is THAT what you equate WOHMs with???? I've had PLENTY of time with my kids -- and they are as attached and bonded to me as yours are to you. AND at almost 13, 10.5 and 8.5 the proof of that is easy to see.
<>
depends which way you approach the problem? My kids will always be "more" important to me -- that just deserves a big, fat DUH! HOWEVER, there is PLENTY of time and lots of ways to keep them important AND hold a job.
<>
see above. NOBODY makes that in teaching. AND honestly, given hindsight, i am SO, so glad that i've continued working. I'm going through a divorce and am qualifying for a mortgage on MY house in MY name on MY salary ONLY. THAT would NEVER have been possible if i had sah for 11 years and come in at a first year teacher's salary (plus making up the requisite college course work to get caught up) of $35,000. MY continued working means that "I" can support MY family -- even though i will still need alimony and child support to close the gaps.
Your two aunts are a rarity. I would bet that most women who reenter the workforce don't earn 6-figure salaries. My mom sah for 12 years. When she became a woh my first year teacher salary was MORE than she was making at her job for 10 years. My best friend sah for 7 years. right now she was able to find a job making about 30K. Would she rather have woh and not sah with her dd? No, but she is a realist about the financial realities of her situation. AND, of course, she doesn't in any way judge me because i continued to woh. and she knows that we are both "primary caregivers" and GREAT parents.
I'm so sorry for that huge, huge chip on your shoulder that you have about wohms. I'm offended that you would deem me "less" of a MOTHER for having continued to woh. WHY? because NOTHING could be further from the truth.
eileen
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