SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 1:55pm

When your children are in school fulltime in just a few short years....will you still be the primary caregiver to your children?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 1:56pm
btw...I don't have two kids out of wedlock. I only have one.

I *have* however, been pregnant 3 times. The first resulted in my son. The second (3 years later) resulted in a miscarriage. The third 7 years after the second was terminated voluntarily by me. All three pregnancies occurred while I was actively taking the birth control pill (higher doses each time) and since the third, I eventually chose to stop taking the pill and am now voluntarily celibate (coming up on 10 years), since, for me the pill simply isn't reliable.

all three pregnancies, btw, were fathered by my ex.

Any other personal and intimate details of my life you'd like to examine?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 1:59pm
Me, too. In the scheme of things, I've had a VERY easy and VERY blessed life; my hard times don't even begin to compare with *real* difficulties that others have experienced. Coming here helps me see that.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:08pm
I wasn't implying that single parenting is selfish and I may have confused cyducks with another poster because I thought she had two kids. But read the post of hers I responded to and you will see that she said she had never been married. If that's the case, she's not in a position to know what it would be like to nurture a marriage, raise children and have a thriving career simlutaneously.

As for the judgemental question on my part, which assumed she had two kids, I was simply wanting to make a point that she isn't immune from mistakes in her life either. You say she has one son. She said she was never married. Did she plan to have a child out of wedlock? That's something that many people face but most don't plan and as you pointed out, it usually comes with much heartache. What I didn't understand in reading her post to me was her attitude regarding that unfortunate relationship with my ex-fiance, especially since I DIDN'T make the horrendous mistake of marrying him; and never did I say in any of my posts that I thought his expectations of me were reasonable. So what's her problem? Is she bitter because I DIDN'T get myself into such a marriage? Is she bitter because I made a choice to have a better life? Is she bitter because I DO have a wonderful husband and a comfortable lifestyle, that my children and I don't want for anything and that I don't have to woh ft to make it that way? That I suppose I could understand. We have a beautiful home, are able to take a few vacations every year, drive nice vehicles, own three motorcycles and a boat and are basically debt free and have A1 credit. Maybe to someone who has to woh ft it wouldn't seem fair but why should that reflect poorly on me? I realize I'm drawing a lot of conclusions here that may or may not be accurate but I just didn't get her attitude?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:16pm

(Jumping in here).

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:18pm
Yes, you do have an idea of what it takes to keep a FAILING RELATIONSHIP alive. That's entirely different from knowing what it takes to sustain a POSITIVE SOLID MARITAL RELATIONSHIP. Some ppl may argue that marriage is just a piece of paper, but unless the couple made the commitment to MARRY, it's nowhere near the same. The level of commitment is totally different. Furthermore, if you were with this man for thirteen years knowing it was a failing relationship, how can you be so judgemental of me when I was in my failing relationship for two years, of that time only living with him for five months?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:19pm

<<If that's the case, she's not in a position to know what it would be like to nurture a marriage, raise children and have a thriving career simlutaneously. >>


But she does know what it's like to nuture a *relationship* while doing those other things. Marriage isn't the be-all, end-all of relationships. I'd think a 13year relationship required as much work as a marriage.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:22pm
The fact that the SAHP has only the WOHP to support him or her, but the WOHP has a number of choices for helping with the children, means the SAHP is more dependent on the WOHP than the WOHP is on the SAHP.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:22pm

<<Some ppl may argue that marriage is just a piece of paper, but unless the couple made the commitment to MARRY, it's nowhere near the same. The level of commitment is totally different. >>


BULL. I've known many a couple who had the same level of commitment without that piece of paper. Having a marriage license doesn't make a man or woman more committed to their partner. If they're noncommital, they'll be noncommital even WITH that piece of paper. If they don't take their relationship seriously and for life, having a marriage license won't change that.


Hell, that piece of paper sure didn't mean much to my xh, or eileen's or many others in this world.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 2:31pm

All the SAHP's that I have known have had a choice. They could go back to work to support themselves. They could find work at home or start a daycare and still stay home with the children if the family needed income.


It isn't like the modern SAHM is home in her June Cleaver dress and apron begging her DH for an allowance. Most are financially savvy and independent. They are not trapped nor are they overly dependent on their spouses. Money is just a small trickle in the total river of marriage.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

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