What took some soul searching was why I was there with him in the first place and in hindsight I can conclude that it probably came down to a kind of temporary insanity. What I really wanted at the time was to be a mother. My soul searching didn't really involve deciding to leave him or not. I was reluctant to set a date and kept moving it back. I didn't want to go through with marrying him just to have a child. It would've been far more desirable to become artificially inseminated and single parent.
I knew I didn't want to be with him. I knew I couldn't marry him. So I didn't. I came to realize through soul searching that it wasn't right and that's why I didn't make the commitment to marry him like I did later when I met my husband and knew without a doubt that here was a man who would move heaven and earth for me and I wanted to give him all I had.
I don't think you need to justify your soul searching at all. What happened to you happens to a lot of women -- just doesn't appear to be many on this board. I would let this go if I were you....you're smart for deciding to not marry that freak and no one should tell you you're not.
(Pounding head on desk) in which case the irregular-hours WOHP would be pretty darned dependent on the 9-5 WOHP regardless of who made the most bucks. That's PRECISELY my point - that you can't tell who is "more" dependent on whom by looking at who is providing more/all of the $.
You can hire someone, albeit maybe at difficulty and $$, to stay overnight and work other unusual childcare hours, for a WOHP who has long/irregular hours.
It's still easier than finding a spouse willing to support another spouse financially.
UGH! Can someone PLEASE loan me the helmet???? I'm only going to comment on just a few things (i know, i know, you expect a bit more from me, huh?)...
<>
THAT says it all right there about HER relationship with her kids. I can't even imagine ANY scenario where my kids would be MORE bonded to the dcp/nanny than to ME! NONE. If she's that pathetic as a mom, that's a sad, sad state of affairs.
<>
my stbxh assumed that i was going to sah after our son was born (we had never talked about it even all the while we searched for dc options). I flat-out refused and told him that i could easily continue working AND raising our kids -- JUST like he could. I didn't make near enough for him to stay home -- although i threw it out there as an option.
<>
i wouldn't. he'd have to relax his traditional values.
So now it's "finding other child care" v. "finding another SPOUSE?" I thought we were comparing "finding other child care" v. "finding other means of support than a spouse."
(Apparently it's not very hard at all to find a spouse willing to support the other financially, since at least according to CLW, it's expected that women will SAH!)
Yes, I do believe it would be a tad exorbitant for, say, my DH to find someone willing to be on-call every evening and weekend to babysit my child on the roughly 45 minutes' notice DH gets when he has a surgery coming in. Same for many of the computer programmers and pilots in my neighborhood whose hours very often extend overnight and can be incredibly unpredictable.
No, this isn't indigo. It's hank_n_indys_mommy aka Jzygail. Hence the whole, having only one kid out of wedlock, cuz I've only got one kid thing.
In any case, never said it didn't happen. Said I didn't get it. Still don't. Never will. Doesn't mean I don't have sympathy nor that I feel no sorrow for such people. Just means that with the sympathy comes a complete lack of understanding HOW it can happen. I'm not too sure about how toast happens, either, but I know it does and that's a WAY less intricate process.
Pages
I knew I didn't want to be with him. I knew I couldn't marry him. So I didn't. I came to realize through soul searching that it wasn't right and that's why I didn't make the commitment to marry him like I did later when I met my husband and knew without a doubt that here was a man who would move heaven and earth for me and I wanted to give him all I had.
You can hire someone, albeit maybe at difficulty and $$, to stay overnight and work other unusual childcare hours, for a WOHP who has long/irregular hours.
It's still easier than finding a spouse willing to support another spouse financially.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
<>
THAT says it all right there about HER relationship with her kids. I can't even imagine ANY scenario where my kids would be MORE bonded to the dcp/nanny than to ME! NONE. If she's that pathetic as a mom, that's a sad, sad state of affairs.
<>
my stbxh assumed that i was going to sah after our son was born (we had never talked about it even all the while we searched for dc options). I flat-out refused and told him that i could easily continue working AND raising our kids -- JUST like he could. I didn't make near enough for him to stay home -- although i threw it out there as an option.
<>
i wouldn't. he'd have to relax his traditional values.
eileen
(Apparently it's not very hard at all to find a spouse willing to support the other financially, since at least according to CLW, it's expected that women will SAH!)
Yes, I do believe it would be a tad exorbitant for, say, my DH to find someone willing to be on-call every evening and weekend to babysit my child on the roughly 45 minutes' notice DH gets when he has a surgery coming in. Same for many of the computer programmers and pilots in my neighborhood whose hours very often extend overnight and can be incredibly unpredictable.
In any case, never said it didn't happen. Said I didn't get it. Still don't. Never will. Doesn't mean I don't have sympathy nor that I feel no sorrow for such people. Just means that with the sympathy comes a complete lack of understanding HOW it can happen. I'm not too sure about how toast happens, either, but I know it does and that's a WAY less intricate process.
Karen
"A pocketknife is like a melody;sharp in some places,
@@
Karen
"A pocketknife is like a melody;sharp in some places,
Thanks! Smooches!!
Karen
"A pocketknife is like a melody;sharp in some places,
Pages