SAH IS HARMFUL!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
SAH IS HARMFUL!!!
2888
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 11:32am

Or at least this woman thinks so.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:19pm
What took some soul searching was why I was there with him in the first place and in hindsight I can conclude that it probably came down to a kind of temporary insanity. What I really wanted at the time was to be a mother. My soul searching didn't really involve deciding to leave him or not. I was reluctant to set a date and kept moving it back. I didn't want to go through with marrying him just to have a child. It would've been far more desirable to become artificially inseminated and single parent.

I knew I didn't want to be with him. I knew I couldn't marry him. So I didn't. I came to realize through soul searching that it wasn't right and that's why I didn't make the commitment to marry him like I did later when I met my husband and knew without a doubt that here was a man who would move heaven and earth for me and I wanted to give him all I had.

Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:22pm
I don't think you need to justify your soul searching at all. What happened to you happens to a lot of women -- just doesn't appear to be many on this board. I would let this go if I were you....you're smart for deciding to not marry that freak and no one should tell you you're not.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:34pm
(Pounding head on desk) in which case the irregular-hours WOHP would be pretty darned dependent on the 9-5 WOHP regardless of who made the most bucks. That's PRECISELY my point - that you can't tell who is "more" dependent on whom by looking at who is providing more/all of the $.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:42pm

You can hire someone, albeit maybe at difficulty and $$, to stay overnight and work other unusual childcare hours, for a WOHP who has long/irregular hours.


It's still easier than finding a spouse willing to support another spouse financially.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:49pm
UGH! Can someone PLEASE loan me the helmet???? I'm only going to comment on just a few things (i know, i know, you expect a bit more from me, huh?)...

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THAT says it all right there about HER relationship with her kids. I can't even imagine ANY scenario where my kids would be MORE bonded to the dcp/nanny than to ME! NONE. If she's that pathetic as a mom, that's a sad, sad state of affairs.

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my stbxh assumed that i was going to sah after our son was born (we had never talked about it even all the while we searched for dc options). I flat-out refused and told him that i could easily continue working AND raising our kids -- JUST like he could. I didn't make near enough for him to stay home -- although i threw it out there as an option.

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i wouldn't. he'd have to relax his traditional values.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 4:59pm
So now it's "finding other child care" v. "finding another SPOUSE?" I thought we were comparing "finding other child care" v. "finding other means of support than a spouse."

(Apparently it's not very hard at all to find a spouse willing to support the other financially, since at least according to CLW, it's expected that women will SAH!)

Yes, I do believe it would be a tad exorbitant for, say, my DH to find someone willing to be on-call every evening and weekend to babysit my child on the roughly 45 minutes' notice DH gets when he has a surgery coming in. Same for many of the computer programmers and pilots in my neighborhood whose hours very often extend overnight and can be incredibly unpredictable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:00pm
No, this isn't indigo. It's hank_n_indys_mommy aka Jzygail. Hence the whole, having only one kid out of wedlock, cuz I've only got one kid thing.

In any case, never said it didn't happen. Said I didn't get it. Still don't. Never will. Doesn't mean I don't have sympathy nor that I feel no sorrow for such people. Just means that with the sympathy comes a complete lack of understanding HOW it can happen. I'm not too sure about how toast happens, either, but I know it does and that's a WAY less intricate process.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:02pm
Yeah, that sure sounds like the relationship my ex and I had. The very SECOND it stopped being fun, we were both OUTA there.

@@

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 5:03pm
Please quote the post of even ONE person who said she SHOULD have married him. Just one.

Thanks! Smooches!!

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
Avatar for nativcalgal
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:16pm
Ah, ok - hi hank n indy's! sorry for the confusion. I understand you don't get it, but some do get it...that's all I was pointing out.

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