You're welcome! I sure love to hear people talk about their marriages like you do! Sounds wonderful! I also adore my DH and really think we have a unique and rare unity. I really treasure and respect him and he feels the same. He leaves the SAH or WOH choice up to me and I feel very fortunate to have that choice. He's fine either way. I know not everybody can do this.
It's going back to the old TIME thing. OK, we are the primary caregivers even if our kids are in dc for 10 hours per day, but to *some* of us, it doesn't feel that way. Spending only 4-5 hours after work 5 days a week isn't enough for *us* and I think that's all OTBM is trying to say. Even though we have weekends, holidays (and some people don't get the same amount of holidays as school teachers, government workers or banks) and vacations, I think *some* of us moms just feel we'd like more time with our kids...that's all. And it doesn't make us less or more of a mom than you or other WOHP. It's quite obvious that many WOHP's feel they have adequate time, but *some* of us don't feel we do, or we regret that we had/have to work FT. I regret that I had to work FT when they were little because I don't balance both well. I was too damn tired after working 9-hour days and driving around for errands and didn't balance interacting with my kids after work to getting some down time. I was a divorced mom at that time too, so I didn't have other help at home. I personally need more down time than that allowed for and I didn't feel like I was putting in enough mommy time during the week. I didn't like FT work when I was married either, because I was still doing most of the at home work and caregiving (XH was not good at this and believed it was my place - thus one of the many reasons he's now an XH). It's personal for all of us. Most of us here totally understand you are able to do both very well, as you've pointed it out numerous times. Maybe you should just cut and paste your reply whenever someone brings this up so you don't have to retype it each time...LOL -- just poking fun. Everytime I see someone get into this aspect I KNOW I can count on you to come in with your famous reply. And, I will add, you bring in very good points. some of them just crack me up!
I'm sure I'll regret going down this path but you need to refresh my memory. How is it that when you do your numbers game with the hours spent with children you choose to ignore the fact that most children sleep from 9-12 hours a night? That 14 hours with children LOOKS wonderful compared to the 10 hours in child care but what kind of primary caregiving is really going on in the middle of the night? Is it really comparable to what goes on during waking hours?
well to be honest, i don't generally "count" the hours because i don't feel there's any need. Sure, my kids sleep at night just like anyone else's. HOWEVER, it is important - as much as daytime -- in that my kids have a wonderful sense of warmth and security and know that i'm there if they need me. It's not uncommon for my 12 year old to have a nightmare or having to wake up with my middle special needs daughter (at which point i'm up with her for the next 1.5 hours until her sleep meds kick in and send her off to la-la land).
and, of course, i get home by 4 pm so i STILL have 4-6 HOURS per day with them AWAKE and i only work 181 DAYS per year....STILL plenty of time.
being a GOOD PARENT is PRIMARY CAREGIVING and beyond.
I hope this clarifies it for you. Again, i really only count hours in response to msahms who claim, wrongfully so, that i don't have "enough" hours or that i'm not their "primary caregiver"...yeah, that one's good for a laugh too, LOL.
Pages
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
"But when he was in daycare at six weeks of age for 10 hours a day, I was not. And I don't see how anyone can argue that. "
It just doesn't matter, to borrow a line from cocoapop - so what?
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Take care!
"Most of us here totally understand you are able to do both very well, as you've pointed it out numerous times."
I give Eileen credit - I don't mother and WOH "very well" all the time.
<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Because it implies that a WOHM is not her child's primary caregiver.
You really don't understand this?
and, of course, i get home by 4 pm so i STILL have 4-6 HOURS per day with them AWAKE and i only work 181 DAYS per year....STILL plenty of time.
being a GOOD PARENT is PRIMARY CAREGIVING and beyond.
I hope this clarifies it for you. Again, i really only count hours in response to msahms who claim, wrongfully so, that i don't have "enough" hours or that i'm not their "primary caregiver"...yeah, that one's good for a laugh too, LOL.
eileen
Mondo
Pages